The other morning I was up and getting my dog ready for her walk. It's about 5am, dark, cold, and I'm tired. When I attempt to leash her up, I notice the doggy bag dispenser is not on the leash, despite the fact that I had previously asked for it to be done. Why did I ask for it to be done? Because I had tried myself to do it, and my fingers wouldn't let me. So instead of breaking the item or hurting myself, I asked for help.
The words that escaped my groggy lips were, "Asking for help is like pissing in the bed." Okay, that probably sounds a bit overdramatic and a smidge gross. But I'd like to unpack it, if I may. What happens if you wet the bed? It releases the pressure and you immediately feel better. After a few minutes though, I don't think you'd be pretty happy. It's messy, smelly, and whatever else. I don't need to paint a picture, you get it. Why would I create that analogy? Throughout my life I have continually heard people tell me that I need to ask for help. I have been told I'm stubborn. I've been told to put my pride aside and take the help. Trust me, I have asked for help. I've also noticed that I don't always receive help, or receive it in a loving manner. 1- Sometimes they agree to help, but the attitude is not willing. Sighs, "fine," and dramatic agreements follow. 2- Sometimes they "help," but they don't actually do what needs to be done, they do what they think is helping, not what I need. 3- They happily agree to help, but they never show up. Because these three reactions have happened, I find myself just doing the jobs myself. It's easier for me to be an imposition to myself, than someone else. It's easier for me to do what I need done, than hope for the person to be on board. It's easier to get a jump on the task instead of waiting for someone else to do it. As I was walking the dog, after putting the doggy bag holder on the leash handle, I was really quite stunned at my analogy of asking for help. I was honestly disheartened that I felt that way. And as we walked, I tried to analyze myself. Why do I feel so let down? Is it the amount of times that I've been let down? Maybe. I think it's more about the importance of the items. There are plenty of times when people ask for help and they don't get it, myself included. Is it the end of the world? No. But what happens with the big things? What happens when a depressed teen shares a cry for help and nobody comes to them? Sure, I've had plenty of doggy bag holder incidents. More than I can count. But we all do. It's the bigger times I've wanted help and was left to my own that I can truly feel why I said what I did. When someone is struggling with large emotional baggage and seeks refuge, there is a bit of a relief. We've done what everyone told us to do. We went to a parent. We went to a loved one. We went to a teacher. We told them our struggles. We asked for help. What was the response? Did the person not really want to help us? Did they try to just distract us from our problems instead of helping us work through? Did they say they would be there for us to talk to, and yet never show up? I know that's where my statement came from. I've asked for help. I put down my pride. I wasn't trying to do it all on my own. But I was let down. Trust breaks down in that scenario. It turns into a fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... situation. And when you have those times, then add in our doggy bag times, it all adds up. We're left sitting in our mess worse off than when we didn't ask for help. If you've asked for help, I get it. I understand. If you've been asked for help, don't take it for granted.
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Anyone that knows me and read the title just asked themselves, "Which one?"
But seriously, I find myself in a situation that happens all too often. A situation of over commitment. I was scrolling through Facebook and saw someone in our neighborhood was looking for a sitter. They have a toddler and will need the sitter to put the child to bed while the couple enjoys a much needed date night. My immediate thought was, "Oh that's some easy money. I could go to their place, put the kid in bed, and get some work done. No problem. Wonder what the pay is?" For many, that conversation might be normal. A little extra spending cash is a good thing. And where we are in our finances, well, we aren't as bad as we used to be, but we aren't where I wish we could be. So in my Dave Ramsey following, going and and getting some extra money is great. So what did I do? I kept scrolling. You see, it wasn't more than hours ago that I sat on the side of my bed and explained to my husband how drained I am. I was fully dressed and ready to start my morning walk and workout. And yet, I didn't want to leave the bed, let alone the house. I'm overwhelmed by my depression, anxiety, and workload. And here I am trying to add something else to the list! Wow. Now, there have been plenty of times in my life that I needed to take the job so the stress of money would lower and I could have more peace and rest. But we aren't in that stage of life anymore. If I need an extra $50 I'll cut out something from our budget that isn't needed. Simple. But working an extra Saturday night for a family I don't even know just to make some cash, not the answer. I am trying to find my balance. You know, the balance between staying in bed to sleep/cry/eat ice cream/binge-watch anything and being a productive human in society. Sometimes that scale does not like to balance. Sometimes it needs a little shove. I know that eventually things will work out. I know my college classes won't be that bad. I'm just anxious because it's dance competition season. And that means I'll be in class in hotels. I'll be doing work from convention centers. I'll be doubly busy and that scares me. I want to be a good mom during that time. I want to be present. I want to join the other moms if it comes up. And I want to be successful in class. All these little things worry me and yet all I need to do is manage my time well. I need to show up online to the classes that are in person. I need to do the work and turn it in. Every assignment I had last semester was turned in the same day it was opened. And yet, I worry. Silly girl. But the truth is, even though I know it will work out that doesn't mean I need to add more to my plate. Thankfully, I kept scrolling this time. Hopefully I will continue the habit. First, may I apologize for my time away. A thumb injury has kept me from my laptop more than I'd like to admit. But I return.
So, I begin this new year with a blog about something that I have apparently taught my children without realizing just how much I did it. We went ice skating over winter break. Neither of my children had ever been. I don't know if you know much about ice skating, but ankle support is a big deal. Many, all too often, will allow the ankle to sink in. It causes pain. It leads rubbing, blisters, all that fun stuff. Well, my sweet daughter was starting to get hurt. Her ankles were feeling the pain. I told her repeatedly to sit down. I told to her go and rest. She could relax. She refused. My daughter did not want to waste her time on the ice. She didn't want to waste our money to pay for the time at the rink. She was having fun, but also in pain. And when she weighed her options, she decided that not wasting time on the ice was more important than the pain on her leg. I thought about it much after. My children don't want to waste anything. We don't waste food. We don't waste clothes, toothpaste, or whatever else. But more importantly, we do our best not to waste our time. The Bible teaches that we shouldn't put off for tomorrow what can get done today. It's a simple concept. If you have a task in front of you, do it. It can be a chore. It could be telling someone something that they need to hear. It could be spending time with your loved ones. That concept is important for every aspect of life. It teaches us to not waste the time we have. We are never promised another minute. I won't always be around to teach my children about life. But if I have taught them not to waste their lives, I've done something right. Don't waste your life. Don't waste your time. |
AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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