For as long as I can remember, I have hated the mirror.
Besides the fact that I always focus on my flaws, the mirror it's self tells us how we look in each moment of life. There is also something that happens when I look in a mirror, I see myself through the hats I wear. When I put on a nice outfit, do my hair and make-up, and look the role of an author, I feel pretty good about myself. When I throw on the active gear and give a little flex, I feel okay about being a trainer. When my eyes show the exhaustion, deep circles and heavy bags, I'm reminded of the work I'm putting in as a mother to raise children to the best of my ability. But when I look in the mirror, I see myself in a way that others do not and have not. I remember being under the age of ten and being labeled by kids in my class. No matter what I did over the course of the next decade, it didn't matter. I was viewed as a one dimensional person and that was all I would ever be. That leaves a young person with two basic choices. One choice is to avoid everything related with the label. The other is to live that label so well that it's worth it. I just wish that when I was younger someone would have shown me the third option. It doesn't matter. Sure, that's easier said than done, but it is something I have been working on for the last few years of my life. We all have those voices in our heads that say, "Hold on, now. That is not you." Sometimes it's when we put on an outfit that is more current than we'd normally wear. Sometimes it's trying out something adventurous to do on the weekend. It might even be a new career path or side hustle. We listen to the voice because it's actually rational for us to listen to it. And yet, there will be times when we recognize that the voice is not even ours, it's the voice of people around us that have labeled us and put us in boxes that make us more one dimensional. Jump out of the box. Make your own box. Make a blanket fort. And when the others have something to say because you're not in the box they put you in, LAUGH! Enjoy it. Enjoy being a person that is full of surprises.
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Over the last three years, I have become more open about the struggles faced in depression and anxiety within my own world. I have found people that are honestly intrigued by it all, ya know, since their brains function properly. As they grasp onto what is going on within my head from morning to night, I have gained more support. It's been freeing.
It has actually been so freeing that I recently wrote a book (in the shortest amount of time I've ever written anything, I might add) that follows along the lines of frustrations, stress, and life. It's fairly raw and real, especially for me. I'm the queen of privacy. I don't speak unless spoken to. In this book, I speak of humble and sincere honesty. It's something that I hope will become a thing, because if you get it, you get it. I can be honest like nobody's business. Much of society can. We scream "First Amendment!" while we bash someone and think it's okay. (Hint: it isn't okay.) We can be honest about our struggles these days, and I think that it can actually be quite harmful for many people - especially those of us that may not be all that mentally stable. Examples include, but not limited to: selfies expressing how upset one is over being (overweight, ugly, dumb, sick) how children are acting like terrors When people post these things to social media for the first time, typically, it is with sincere honesty. They are expressing a struggle. But what happens? Comments! "Beautiful!" "You're stunning!" "Girl, you are not fat!" "Please, I wish I looked like you!" "We're here for you." "Do you need a coffee?" "We should get together" "It's okay, Mama, you're doing a great job!" Here are the downfalls of those comments. 1- Some are lies, but trying to be nice. 2- People don't understand the chemical imbalance that is going on and are really feeding into something so much worse than they realize. 3- The attention becomes addicting. Soon, the person is sharing the bad not for genuine support, but for the boost of attention. When things aren't so bad, they elaborate and make it worse than it is to get more attention. Soon the lies of just how bad their life has gotten is more than just an elaboration. They start to believe how bad it is. What they share with people is no longer humble or sincere, no matter how honest any of it is. It's a sad situation, but it actually has a ripple effect that they don't even realize. See, there are some of us that see how much the complaints turn to whining and end up being white noise that nobody actually cares about anymore. It creates an atmosphere where we don't feel good about sharing our struggles because we'll just get lumped in with the complainers. It's almost like the boy who cried wolf, except that it's really some other kid crying wolf and when you shout no one believes you because of the other kid. I have taken an approach, I hope, to becoming humbly and sincerely honest. If I share my story it is for a distinct importance: helping a friend, showing empathy, or educating. I know I struggle. And it feels good when someone says something encouraging during my struggle. I just hope to keep on a path that leads people to understanding and freedom. Let's take a trip into our imaginations today. Will you join me?
There is a couple, the Bibs. The Bibs have been married for years now. Every year on their anniversary, they go to the same restaurant. They order the same style dishes every year. Mr. Bibs orders a steak meal while Mrs. Bibs orders seafood. They share an appetizer and always finish with sharing a dessert. And every year they order the same bottle of wine that they drank on their wedding night. They're so cute it makes you sick. Unfortunately, Mr. and Mrs. Bibs do not last. After ten years together, they get a divorce. Eventually, you meet a Bib that sweeps you off your feet. You can't believe it. The love of your life. They adore you deeply and spend time with you making you feel special. They are always telling you how much they love you. They write poems and songs for you. They schedule a weekly date with you. Life is good. Eventually, you two wed. A year later, you celebrate your anniversary. They take you to the restaurant they always went to with their first spouse. You share an appetizer. There is a steak dinner. There is a seafood dinner. There is dessert. And you share a bottle of wine. The same wine from their first marriage. After a couple of years you question why they celebrate your anniversary that way and they give you the best of reasons. Besides that they are comfortable with what they know, they find just the right words to make everything sound right. There is a seafood dinner because even though there are other fish in the sea, you're the one for them. There is steak because your love is tender and just right. There is an appetizer and dessert because the additions to the dinner are like the additions to your relationship that make things full and sweet. And the wine is to remember the past that makes the future. You buy it the first year. But finally you have to just say the truth - Your spouse is still in their old relationship on your anniversary, and it sucks! No amount of web-spinning makes it right. They want the old relationship with you. I don't know what emotions you might feel. Maybe you're angry, hurt, dejected. How do you think God feels when we dye "Easter" (Ishtar) eggs (symbol of fertility for the goddess Ishtar, look it up) and decorate with bunnies and eggs when this season is suppose to be for celebrating the goodness of his love. We are supposed to remember how God rescued Israel from Egypt. We are supposed to remember that he sacrificed Jesus for our sins. We are supposed to remember that Jesus defeated death and Satan. And instead we tell our children to find the empty easter egg because it represents the tomb. (Spin that web.) We say the rabbits show God's fruitfulness. I'm sorry, but I'm pretty sure God is over it. |
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May 2023
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