Over the past few years, I have come to enjoy telling my story. I don't look for attention, but use my background as a tool for education.
Recently, I have been having great conversations with a woman whose daughter struggles with anxiety and depression. The daughter is a teenager. She's a bright girl, beautiful, and has accomplished so much in her few years on earth. This kid has the potential to do great things in life. However, the mother and daughter struggle in their relationship. The other day the mom said, "I just don't know which girl I'll get when she wakes up." I quickly responded with, "Neither does she." That's the thing about depression and anxiety. We have so many masks that we use to cover up the fragility of our lives, that we can't always remember which mask to put on at the right time. We also don't know which part of our lives will be the focus when we wake up. That's hard. Add that into being a teenager with crazy hormones and life goals and everything else, and well, that's a friggin horror movie! There are so many overachievers out there. We were complimented on our ability to overachieve. We have been taught to go and do until we drop and we'll get praise from those we love. Then we crash. We crash hard. The same people that loved us for being able to do so much are then in shock that we couldn't handle life. They tell us sweetly, "You do too much." But that conflicts with the, "Wow, you're so amazing!" that was stated two days before. So we snap a bit. We feel like we've let them down. We feel like we've let ourselves down. Fragility. Then we're at a loss. What now? We go through these cycles of highs and lows and nobody can guess when the peaks and valleys will hit. If you live with it long enough, you can start to see it. You might feel your body shutting down in the morning. You might have insomnia three days in a row. You might eat your weight in pretzels. There are little tells for what you do consistently when the highs or lows roll through. But usually, they're subtle. If you cannot learn them, you can't expect those around you to learn them either. This is what I tell the people in my life that love someone in the battle. 1- Be there, but don't nag. 2- Don't encourage bad behavior, but don't police them too tightly (unless harm is being done). 3- For every bad that the person is expelling from their system - towards themselves, you, a sibling, whomever - give them a good. "I like your hair." "Remember when you told that joke and I laughed so hard I peed." "Wow, I'm amazed at who you are as a human." 4- Learn that their love language will be inconsistent. One day they may want a hug. The next day they want a random gift. In two weeks, they might need to just sit on the couch with you and watch a movie. Again, they don't always know who they are waking up as, be prepared to love them in the moment that they are in. 5- Try your best to learn their signals (Where did all the snacks go?) And match their moods. 6- Don't try to change them. Usually people battling feel like failures. If you try to change who they are, they believe they are failures deeper in their core. Keep learning. Those of us battling will grade you on a curve.
0 Comments
I hate mother's day. See that? I didn't even capitalize it. I hate it. I hate father's day as well.
Don't tell me I just don't understand them because I do. We are honoring mothers and fathers for all the great they've done for us, blah, blah, blah. It's a participation award. There. I said it. I gave birth and therefore, I deserve a holiday. Yo, are the alligators, birds, giraffes, dogs, and cats giving birth and saying, "Now serve me breakfast in bed?" No! Why? Because they don't need holidays to continue on with their lives doing things that all living creatures do- procreate. I can remember being about 5 years old on mother's day. I had gone through all the traditional junk. School projects. Breakfast. Gifts. All the normal stuff. I did not skimp out on showing my mother love on this stupid holiday. Then we went to church. In church, we made yet another craft for our mothers. When I came upstairs from the children's church, I noticed a woman without any children (now her kids could have been grown, or she never had any, I don't know. I was five.) My heart hurt for her. I had showered my mother with gifts. So had my brother and father. And this woman looked downcast as she spoke with some people after church. I gave her the gift. You would have thought I ripped my mother's heart out and stomped it on the ground. How could I give a mother's day gift to a woman that wasn't my mother? Because I had already shown her my love and given her gifts. The other woman looked so lonely. I thought I would brighten her day simply because my mother had already been shown love. Needless to say, my mother was not proud of my big heart for others. As an adult, I still feel the hurt of that other woman's eyes. I see friends that have tried to have children and couldn't. I see women that have had multiple miscarriages. I see parents that have lost children. I have seen children that have lost parents. These holidays hurt so many people. They remind them of loss and pain. But I'm supposed to get pancakes? I'm sorry. I know a bunch of people will disagree with me, but let's face it, these holidays are dumb. I'm over it. I'm done with mother's day. This week, I would like to forgo my usual insight for some joyful news. A new release is out this week! Whelmed Whelmed is for those of us that are juggling so many balls and feeling like half of them are dropping from our hands while more are falling from the sky. I address seven key areas of our lives that we always feel we must be on top of in order to succeed, and what it means to actually succeed. You can find the book with me, or on Amazon.com Also, coming in June, I will release TWO teen novels! I'm looking forward to getting these out on the shelves, especially as my readers have grown up. So be on the lookout for Blueberry Ballerina and More Than a Jock from my series More Than Surface Level. The biggest issue I find that I battle in my life is excuses.
I utterly detest excuses. Recently, I have begun to wonder why I hate these excuses so much. I have found two main reasons for why I despise excuses. The first issue I have is much like everyone else’s- excuses don’t take responsibility. Why didn’t you take out the trash? I was going to, but… But. The word of those looking to drop responsibility on anything or anyone. But the dog barked, but I forgot, but the phone rang, but, but, but! I have seen this so many times from adults and it sickens me. The second issue I take with excuses is that it is basically used as a lie. An excuse is a lie we tell ourselves to justify the stupid things we do or don’t do. Again, if we took responsibility we would know that it is on our shoulders to do what is needed. However, when we feel that guilt that we have not done what we should have done, we make the excuse and tell ourselves it really isn’t our responsibility. I know from experience. Too often my health issues would cause me to not feel my best. For instance, I might wake up and go for a run. If I’m not at my best, all I have to say is, “Well, you are in a flare. At least you’re doing something.” I found myself slacking in my workouts way more often than I ever had in the past and made the excuse that it was okay because of my health and I should be happy that I was doing something. Then one day I told myself to stop with the excuses and do the work. Man, it was a tough pill to swallow, but I did it. I have been focusing on pushing myself despite what holds me back. No more excuses. Many would even find my excuses valid. I don’t. Not anymore. Sure, there are days when I need to adjust my workout or take a sick day, but otherwise, I work to my fullest capabilities. I said before that I see excuses from adults. I do. All ages. All genders. All avenues of life. We make excuses. We lie to ourselves and say that it isn’t on us to repair relationships, or that we didn’t get the promotion because our boss just doesn’t like us. It’s easy to place the responsibility on anyone else. It’s time we start standing up. We need to take responsibility for our actions, short-comings, and everything else. Own the mistakes we make and press on. Apologize when necessary. Work harder when needed. Fight for what is right and just. Because the generations after us are watching. The children today can spot our lies and foolishness. We must do better. We must show our children how to act. |
AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
Categories |