It's been a while, hasn't it? Lately I feel that I receive half of a thought, or maybe less. Some days I feel they are at completion, but by the time I could sit down and write something out, well, it's gone. I've struggled with this. I've struggled with the mindset of the empty blog life. Why? Am I out of things to say? No. Am I out of coherent thoughts? Probably. No, there is something more to it.
At times I feel the point of this blog is to simply tell my two or three readers what I've been thinking about lately, or what God has placed on my heart. However, since I speak to them all on a regular basis I often have the fire snuffed out by the time I sit to let it all out. Perhaps there are others out there that secretly sneak on here and read what I have to say. Who knows. I know this much, when I don't, one of two things is happening. One, my life has become so chaotic and crazy that I just can't sit down and write. I lose my thoughts. I forget to jot things down. Heck, I have a notebook devoted to prewrites of blogs, and yet because it isn't on me at the moment...gone! Oh the tragedies. You three know how much I like to stick it to the man every chance I can. How dare I not keep that notebook readily available at all times!! I feel your sighs of disappointment already. I apologize. Two, I feel inadequate to write. (Heck, I had to pull up a text message and start typing "Inadequate" to get it to come up so I could copy! I can't even spell!) I know that sounds stupid. My fourth book will be coming out in just a few months. I write. I love it. Lately, though, I have been immersed in my training life so much that I feel like that is what I should stick to. It goes back to what I'm comfortable with. I've lived my life in the fitness world. I get good results with clients. I get good responses with fans on Facebook (I have like 5 of those!... Oh wait, you three also like my Facebook pages...). So who am I that I should be writing. I am the first to admit that when someone says, "Oh yeah, she blogs." I think, "Of course, she does. Who doesn't? It's 2018!" Anyone with a keyboard and web address can write what they want. Why should I? What do I have to say? Sometimes, I don't know. Today I do. Even at the age of 32, I can still wrestle with my self worth. I struggle with my value to other people. I mean, I'm pretty confident when it comes to this mom stuff, and homeschooling. And despite some stupid personal mistakes recently, I feel confident in the fitness world. Writing is a whole new ball game. Writing is a world where I felt that nobody cared what I had to say. My words have value. This blog in particular exposes the onion layers within me. And hopefully there is someone out there that will read this and say, "I feel that way too!" But we can't leave it there. We can't leave it at relating to someone and saying, "hey, I'm not the only one that doubts themselves. I'm not the only one that feels unqualified to do the job they feel called to do." Now we have to put on the big girl panties and do something about it. Me? Well, first off I've broken the silence and weeks of non-blogging. What else? I started contacting my publisher more often to check in on things that I feel should have been done already. My writing materials are in a bag sitting next to my bed. It's there so that I can grab it whenever I can and pick whichever piece I'm on and go for it. I'm taking active steps to write more. I'm taking active steps to sell my books more. I used to hide that I wrote a book on the Christian walk. I know, it sounds stupid. Now, if someone asks, or says anything, I tell them. And the best part is, they don't have to understand it all, or agree with it all. The point is to start the conversation and to start the movement of walking a walk that glorifies God. AH! Your turn. Where is God calling you to go that you might be dragging your feet? What is that secret passion that you think is just between you and God and maybe a person here or there? Where are you inadequate (I didn't have to double check it that time)? The biggest changes - in people, relationships, situations, life, world politics, you name it - do not come from the people we expect. It's the ones who take us by surprise that bring the most. If there is something nagging you, it might be time to start moving.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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