The other day my cousin's wife posted a photo of her stats from a bike ride. She was disappointed by the low caloric output that showed up after expecting triple. As a trainer, and someone that really just likes joking around with her as it's what we do, I commented, "Not at that pace."
I was reminded of my comment while I ran with the pup this morning. I woke up in a flare and had no desire to run at all, but I knew I needed to try to muscle through. After a mile, I noticed that the dog was going a little to quickly. I wanted her to slow down, but realized she was running at the pace we normally would go and I was holding us back. I laughed at myself. Typically when I run with clients, I end up running at their "run" pace, which is really my walk pace. There have been times that I literally walk along side them because they take such tiny steps, refusing to elongate their stride, and it destroys my knees. That's when I noticed the dog able to prance her normal walking pace. Just as my cousin's biking pace was my normal running pace, my running pace this morning was my dog's walking pace. It sucked. But it was humorous. When she and I went back and forth on the post, I told her what I tell my clients - it doesn't matter! You started. This is movement that you haven't done before. Be proud of your work and the numbers will come later. My personal trainer voice had to come through with motivational blah, blah, blah. That quick back and forth reminded me of years ago shortly after she had married into the family. We were gathered for someone's wedding or some family bruhaha (we have a lot of cousins). And she and I were chatting away about things when a subject I hadn't heard came up. Apparently, I didn't like her! It was news to me. But that was the story going around...in my own family. You see, my aunt, her mother-in-law, told her one day that I did not like her. Honestly, I had only met her one time - at her wedding! I didn't like nor dislike her. I barely knew her. It was quite irrational. We had never spent any time together in our lives. She confronted my aunt, but nobody seems to know how this little rumor began. As we follow my anxiety driven train of thought, that landed me back on a topic that I've been dealing with my entire life. I have been the last to find out about things that I said. It's crazy. What's amazing is the amount of times it has happened. Quite frankly, I have never understood it. It is never 1- a comment I would make, 2- about a person I would comment about, 3-coming from a person I don't talk to. I could see if I was frustrated with someone and told a friend about it. Then maybe they share the, "Jewel is kinda mad at so-and-so" news with someone. And it all trickles out. But I get the WEIRDEST remarks!! Obviously, there's the cousin thing. In college, a teammate and I were in the locker room one day. I was telling her I didn't understand why people in our class had something against me. She "reminded" me of what I had said two years before. And as I stood there staring in disbelief, it dawned on her. I never said it. She re-evaluated the situation. She remembered who told her. She had gotten to know me. She knew I wouldn't have said anything like that. In high school a girl came up to me and asked me why I didn't care that a fellow classmate had died. I literally had no idea what she was talking about. Was I friends with the classmate? No. Did she die from reckless behavior? Yes. But was I walking around telling people I didn't care that she had died? NO! Oh my word! I hadn't spoken to anyone about it. I felt it was tragic that we were losing a student every year because of not smart behavior. I was so blindsided by the approach of my classmate (whom I only knew by name and was not friends with) that I truly did not know how to respond. Honestly, I sit and ponder these things sometimes. Why do people make up rumors? Why do people spread lies. Why would I be the topic of it? I'm nobody. I keep to myself. I have yet to figure out what the reasoning behind it all is, but at the end of the day I tell myself the same thing - God knows the truth. God knows my heart. And when things come against me, I pray that the truth be known.
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I have come to the conclusion that there are three people in this world and I'd like to show them to you.
Person X gives Person Y a gift. Person Y is thankful and excited. Later, Y can't decide exactly how to use the gift because of the option. They think they know what they want to do, but, again, there are options. All exciting options. Y is not stressed over the situation, but excitedly tells their friends about the gift and the possibilities. Enter People A, B, and C. A says: Oh, I have one of those. I used mine in this way. (done) B says: Ya know. I have one of those. And it really is the best at this. You should try it. (moderate explanation) C says: What you need to do is this. (lengthy explanation) At first glance you might pick out who you think you are, but you might need to be honest. Which one do you think gave the advice to Person Y? My opinion: A. Why? Person Y never asked for anyone's opinion. Did you catch that in the opening part? Person Y is simply talking about the options and possibilities they have with the gift. Never once did Person Y ask what A, B, and C would do with it. Person A heard it and didn't try to push their opinion on Person Y. They acknowledged that they too had the item and shared how they use it. That's all. B goes beyond that. B starts to prod Y into using the gift the same way that they have because that is what they like. I get it. I do. Sometimes we're just so excited that we spill over and want to help others. But it comes off pushy. And C? Well, C clearly believes that they know the absolute right way to do it and believe that you should do it that way regardless. Past pushy. I think the biggest obstacle in B and C's life is not their desire to help others (which is what they are believing they are doing). It's the fact that they want to push their ideas onto people that haven't asked for them. As a fitness professional, I so often want to tell everyone my opinion on how to get them healthier. I'm so over the continual fad diets and yo-yoing that people do. I want to smack some people. But at the end of the day I only give advice to those that seek it. Can you imagine if I walked up to an overweight woman and told her she should start walking everyday? RUDE! It might be true. It might be for the right intentions - longer life, quality of life, weight loss, heart health, diabetes, you name it. But it still isn't my place. Today's society has created a generation of people that believe their voice must be heard. Whether what they're saying is true or false, well intentioned or not, helpful or not, does not matter. We need to do a better job of listening. That way, when our advice is desired, people will want to hear it. I'll leave you with the old saying: Opinions are like buttholes/armpits. Everyone has them and they all stink! Let's use some wisdom from now on, please. |
AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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