I write this post completely broken hearted.
I made a terrible mistake. A Facebook group posted a question, and I gave my opinion. I know, I know, a rookie mistake. I honestly did not expect my comment to breed what it did. The question posed was about breast feeding in public and covering up. My response was basically to know your surroundings. I gave a quick example of a time that caught my son and I off guard. So my point was basically, was if there might be someone around that isn't used to you pulling it out to feed your kid, give a little heads up. I didn't say that you had to cover up. Personally, I don't care. When it's hot out, I run in shorts and sports bras. I'm sure people see a belly they don't want to. My mindset is if you don't want to see it, don't look. The scenario I referenced was this: We were in the dance studio as we are every week. Same people. Same time. For the first time ever, one of the moms was breast feeding her child. Again, not a big deal. But honestly, I wasn't prepared. We had never seen her do it there before, and so weren't in the mindset that it could happen. Caleb was about to walk out of the studio to the waiting room. I left first and turned around after seeing her breast out (the child hadn't latched yet). I turned quickly to tell my son he could go out there, but heads up. He turned back around and said he would stay in the studio. No big deal. Again, my point was that she could have said, "head's up, I'm breast feeding if you don't want him to see." Or anything, really. Just give a warning. If this was a normal thing, we would have been ready and not thought twice, but again, first time out of all the months. Well, my comment received posts about me being a bad mom for not teaching him that she needs to do that. Uh, he's not a moron. He knows what she is doing. He just doesn't want to watch it. Okay? Another person told me that he sees more "titties and ass" in movies and TV. No. No, he doesn't. He watches what we allow him to watch, thank you. Then I was told that it didn't matter because he would be watching porn if he wasn't already. I could have spit nails. However, I kept my cool and told her that the accusation was horribly inappropriate and unnecessary. I was called oblivious. I was told repeatedly that it is out there and he will see it. My response was that it is my job to train him up in the way that he should go. I guide him, teach him, have conversations with him. And most importantly, I pray for him. I was told that it didn't matter what I did, he would watch. I made sure to let them know that they should not be speaking that over my son, I would not speak that over my son, and I will not speak it over anyone else's children. What an atrocious thing to say! Another person also chimed in that he would be watching porn because of smart phones and technology. At a certain point I agreed to disagree and told them we could meet up in 20 years to discuss our children's outcomes. Over and over again I was so frustrated by these people. I couldn't understand a group of "parents" that have decided the fate of all children is destruction. Hey, moms, there are drugs in the world. Your kids will do them. Hey, dads, there strip clubs, your kids will go there, and/or work there. Hey parents, there is gluttony, your children are guaranteed to become obese. And it hit me. They have all given up. Those parents have given up. Since there is evil in this world, it will reach our children and our children will succumb to it. Game over. And I was broken. I was broken by the fact that out of the parents that had to comment on my reply, they had all given up. There were willing to let their kids 1-be exposed to the evil, 2- accept it, and 3- move on. I stopped what I was doing and prayed. I prayed for the people giving up on their children. I prayed for their children. I prayed for my own. I choose to fight. I guess you probably already know that I'm a fighter by nature. But when it comes to my children, I will fight. I'm not saying that they will live in a bubble, Lord knows they don't. I will teach them right from wrong. I will openly discuss that there is evil in this world, and that it's our job to fight the evil. Sometimes we have to flee from the evil. At no point in my parenting have I decided to give up. Parents, if we want the evil to lessen, we need to fight. Please, fight.
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For a great number of people, this may not interest you at all. Still, I feel led to write this post due to how life has turned upside down in recent months. As you know, we are a homeschool family. This was not a choice I planned on making. However, my son presented valuable reasons for why he needed to be homeschooled, and it has been the best thing we could have done.
During our time of learning, we were presented with multiple curricula from a variety of people in our life. It was both helpful and overwhelming. Then, as I explored a local teacher shop, I found even more materials that I could put my hands on and flip through. As I purchased, online and in person, these different pieces of material, the emails and catalogs came to me in waves. Again, this was exciting and overwhelming. If there is one thing I want to be sure of, it is that my children have learned everything they need to learn and then some throughout each and every school year. So this post is going out to those of you that have asked what curriculum Sweeney Scholar Academy uses, or even those parents that are thinking, "This quarantine has shown me that homeschool rocks! I want to do it next year!" Here's our general plan: DO WHAT WORKS FOR EACH CHILD. Man, that's crazy. Honestly, that's what so many people choose when it comes to doing school at home. Somewhere parents said, "What the school is doing, isn't working for my kid." That could be by scheduling, teaching style, structure, or material. But even with my two children, they also have variations in material. Why? Because they aren't the same kid! They don't learn the same way. Give Caleb a book and he will give you everything you need to know. He can be cliff-notes in human form. (Hmmm that would be a great Halloween costume. Someone remind me in October.) AJ, sweet thing, does not necessarily learn from reading. She loves to read, but not in a way that she remembers every crazy detail. So we do things differently. So, how about our more specific plan? In our first year, we packed so many school days in (while others were on break) that I figured out from February through May we didn't need to have school on Fridays. Unfortunately, that meant that my kids got too comfortable with Fridays off. Because of this, we only work Monday through Thursdays from August to May. But all of those Fridays need to be made up, and so we work through the summer. (Just so people know, I give my children the option to have the summertime off and go back to Fridays and they vote no.) Teaching through the summer also keeps my kids moving forward and we don't lose time reviewing previous material. Typically we work Monday, Tuesday, and Thursday in June and July. We take two to three weeks off between the end of the year in May and the beginning of the school year in June, as well as a week or two off in August before public schools go back. The material we use is a hodge podge. We were given curriculum from ABeka. The material was fine, but my son didn't find it challenging enough. Also, I felt that the health and science was so focused on God within science that we missed the great microcosms of creation that God made. I'm not against God in curriculum, but it just missed the mark for my taste. My kids also do a daily Bible study and have Bible curriculum during the school year, so I feel confident in letting them learn about cells through naming the parts, learning the function, etc. We were also given material for reading comprehension through Veritas Press. These, I fell in love with. Each year, we allow my son to choose his reading comprehension guides/novels. His involvement helps with his engagement of the assignments. We take the catalog sent to us by Veritas Press and move to his upcoming grade. Together we look at the novels on his grade level and then make a decision. We choose three to four a year typically. My aunt was the one to turn me on to these. She sent me the first few and asked that Caleb not write in the books so that she could use them with her granddaughters after. Well, that is brilliant! What Caleb has done, AJ can now do. When AJ completes them, we send them up to my aunt. Multiple uses! This aunt (with 28 years of homeschool experience) also showed us these great math books called Life of Fred. They read a chapter and then answer a handful of questions based upon the reading. It builds each chapter, and each book. At this point, we have some of the kindergarten books, second grade books, and middle school books. For some reason, we didn't purchase them for Caleb in 2-4th grades. When we bought him the 5th-8th grade books, he about flipped his lid. Excitement overflowed through his pours. We have now seen that we will own the rest of the series for AJ, because she loves them as well. What about the rest? Well, we love the company Evan Moor. We use workbooks with Daily work, Skill Sharpeners, and pockets. The books are typically "easy" workbooks, but they are so engaging. For some reason, my children could sit and do these books all day happily. When our shipment arrives, they cannot wait to get into the books. That is a good sign. We use these books for ELA, Science, Social Studies, Reading, Math, and Critical Thinking. In the summer time, I allow my kids to use the Brain Quest workbooks. They love them, and they offer a great deal of basics that kids should know. For Caleb, I found some books from Teacher Created Resources based on history. They have a variety of options. I allowed Caleb to choose three. Within the books, they have reading, language, book reports, maps, history, science, and more. The lesson plans are laid out for you. There are answer keys and even quizzes for the reading comprehension. I use these in between semesters. It is so different from what we do normally, that we both love it. Additionally, for Social Studies, we will read books where I will then ask questions and hold discussions. Our studies on civil rights have been mainly in this fashion. It will take more from you, and is definitely worth it. For the younger grades, Complete Curriculum is also very useful. What I like about this, is that they have the variety of subjects, but are heavy on writing. Both of my children despise writing assignments. They love to write stories on their own. But the moment you tell them to write anything, it's terrible. The weeping and gnashing of teeth. For some reason, when this book comes out, they will write letters, stories, and whatever else the directions say to. We have also been given some materials that were used in the local public school. We will add these books in. Things like My World for Social Studies, or Interactive Science. I use spelling bee lists for spelling words. They have spelling tests. Caleb has vocabulary. Basically, we piece things together. I love to create my own curriculum. I love to read alongside them and discuss the books. I enjoy doing science experiments with them from various books. And for every time I create a great series of lesson plans, I need the workbooks to refresh my brain cells and give us some separation. As we wrap up our third year of homeschool today, I know that we have made the right decision. I also know that my freedom in teaching has allowed them to learn things they wouldn't in the walls of their local school in ways that wouldn't be available. I'm not against public schools, but I'm sure glad Caleb begged me to homeschool him. It's an incredible journey. P.S. It makes "after school" activities so much easier! Have to stay out late, no problem, there's no alarm to get you on a bus. Dance competition and we need to leave Friday? No worries there. Let's hit the museum and have a field trip while we're gone. Class starts thirty minutes after the bus would drop you off? No rushing here. Just throw your stuff on and go. Definitely the best decision I've made as a parent. I'm posting this on Friday. Not Thursday. How dare I? After all, Thursday is new blog day. That's my job. Well, I wasn't in the mood. I know that sounds stupid, but I just didn't feel up to it. There have been a great number of items in my life that have caused a little bit of tension, anxiety, frustration, and more. My response to it can make or break me.
Today's post is the same post I was writing throughout the week. It didn't change topics since last Saturday. So why didn't I just type it up and post it yesterday? Simple. I. Did. Not. Want. To. Yesterday, I gave myself permission to postpone my blog. Story time! This past Saturday, my parents came over unannounced. (It happens.) My dad was working in the garage adding more storage space to the attic area. My mother decided to tag along as she often does. I had decided to wait until 9 to go for a run so that it would be a little warmer, but also because my allergies were destroying my head. I was miserable, and still am a bit. My parents arrived about 8:40. For a long time, this would have bugged me- not because they just showed up, but because I was planning on doing something else. At 9:00 I left for my run. I grabbed my stuff, threw on my shoes, and took off. I wasn't trying to be rude. I even informed my mother that I was planning on running at nine. I gave myself permission to leave. I gave myself permission to not have to entertain my parents. And if they wanted me to hang with them, they could have asked. Instead, as my mother was hanging around the house, I decided that she could help us rearrange my daughter's bedroom since we needed to take apart a bed and move furniture around. This is her wheel-house anyway. Thankfully, she was happy to oblige. At nine o'clock Saturday morning, my father was in the garage installing plywood, my mother was helping my husband and daughter with the bedroom, and I was out for a run. This is huge for me. As I ran, I realized that the guilt that used to hold me in that house until they left was gone. Four years ago, I would have waited for them to leave, helping with each thing as I could. Then, far later in the day, I would have dragged my butt out for my run. I would be frustrated for the interruption. I would be agitated that my schedule was changed. I would be mad. Which is really hard and conflicting when you're mad at the people that came over to help. I returned home, showered, and continued with my day. I helped with the bedroom a bit. I spoke with my dad. But for the most part, I carried on with my day. Why? Because I have learned that I can. While I was running, my breathing was more labored than it should have been. I had run extra on Friday, which I don't normally do. And as I mention, my allergies were blazing! So do you know what I did? I gave myself permission to stop early. I read an article recently that women of my generation often feel a burden of guilt. They are forced to be all things to all people at all times. I think it's because we grew up with mothers that were debating between workforce and staying home and neither answer was considered acceptable depending on who you spoke to. So we try to do both. We work. We play house. We take our kids out to have fun, then we lose sleep to make sure we have all of our work done each and every day. Then at the end of the day, when we haven't done something, or didn't make things perfectly, we feel an anxiety of failure. When I read the article, I couldn't have agreed more. In this time of being home, I typically have enough time to get everything done that I have on my list fairly early. Yay. But there are days that I don't. Some days, I haven't slept well so I am in slow motion. Other days, the kids need more attention and I simply have to put my work down. But I've also noticed that I am beginning to just "be over" it all. I'm over doing the same thing every day, every week. Perhaps it's because I don't leave my house anymore. I don't know. But I lose motivation. Recently, I have been giving myself permission. I gave myself permission to not post this blog yesterday because I can. If I had a boss that paid me to make sure this was written and posted by x time on y day, fine. But I don't. I can chill out. When I don't write the designated amount of pages in a day, I allow myself to make it up later on in the weekend. And sometimes, that doesn't happen either. At the end of the day, I'm learning to say, "That's okay." Let's face it. I'm tired of feeling like a failure for not churning out seven pages a day while working as a personal trainer, homeschooling my kids, taking care of the house, and everything else that goes on in my day. I give myself permission to not be perfect. I hope you will to. I'm about to give you an opinion that I'm not sure many will like:
Our country, maybe even the world, is going down in flames. You may say I'm giving a gross exaggeration. I hope that you're right. The truth of the matter is that we live in a world of giving in. I have often wondered what it is that has created the world of giving in, and I usually just blame it on Dr. Spock. His no spank attitude killed discipline in the homes. Oh how I wish my grandmother was still alive so we could talk about the dribble that spilled from that man. She hated him. But I digress. Dr. Spock was just the beginning. The tipping point, if you will. A great deal of change has happened in our country since the 1950's. I think one of the biggest changes has been the role of women in the home and workplace. As the dynamic shifted to mothers leaving the home, the rest of the country wasn't ready for what would happen. Please note that I am neither for nor against any particular one choice in this regard. I think each family needs to find the right dynamic for them. Some women thrive in the stay at home mom role while others want to rip their hair out. I think the movement and shift gave women the freedom to choose. Or did it? My mother was a stay at home mom. (Do not call her a house wife, she didn't marry a house. She's a homemaker.) She kept the house clean. She was home when I was sick. She drove us places. And dinner was made as best as she cared to make it. But for her generation, she was often looked down upon by her peers. Many women said that all women should work and help provide for the family financially. She has had plenty of friends that spoke ill of her choice to not drive into an office and work like they did. Still, as women moved off into the workforce, the family dynamic shifted. Children became latchkey kids. There was often less enforcement of rules, or even just few rules in general. Parents work to provide, then when they come home they want to see their kids. They want to have fun and spend time with them. The idea of being the bad cop after not seeing them created a sense of guilt. And since these were the kids that grew up being told their parents shouldn't spank them, they didn't always know how to handle discipline. I truly believe that is the rise of giving in. Just this one time... Don't let me catch you again.... Okay fine, just don't tell your mother/father. These words come out of parents' mouths usually out of guilt. The time away from their kids, they don't want to be viewed as the bad guy. Parents became friends. And we teach our children not to let our friends control us. We lost view of the parental role and began to give in. So what's the big deal? A kid gets a toy for pouting in the store. A teen stays out a little past curfew. Big whoop. The big deal is that the home created an environment where stomping our feet gets us what we want. But the rest of the world isn't like that. Or at least that's what I was taught. The truth is, our country is definitely turning into that. A person is offended that a Christian company plays Christian music. The person made the choice to attend that company. They can put in headphones, they can leave. Nope. Stomp that foot! Waahh!! I don't like this song! And now that company only plays melodies instead of the words that speak of God's greatness. If they don't, they lose the offended customers. But when they don't continue the music, they lose the "hey we liked that" crowd. They can't win! But they gave in. It seems that every where you look, people are giving in. You can see this in any person with a goal. I'll use fitness because it's simple. Things the person knows: I need to cut down my portion sizes. I need to exercise regularly. I need to get enough sleep. Things the person does: I ate it because I didn't want to offend them. I didn't get out for a walk because a coworker wanted help. I didn't go to bed because my spouse wanted to watch a movie and I didn't want to disappoint them. And now the person has given in to everyone around them and is worse off for it. Giving in every once in a while isn't terrible. Sometimes a little compromise can be worth it. But when it becomes the norm that expectations don't need to be met or that other people's happiness is more important than x,y,&z, it becomes deadly. Let's start waking up, and stop giving in. Fight for what is needed. |
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