I find that one of the hardest parts of my life is that I enjoy honesty. On surface that sounds ridiculous. Who doesn't like honesty? Nobody wants to be lied to. Nobody wants to be a liar (wellllllll). But my desire for honesty is more than just wanting to be told the truth. And believe or not, it's more than me wanting to call everyone out for their junk. (Trust me, I love doing that!)
The honesty I love so much is the ability to be straight forward with people. I don't mean being rude and just saying it how it is, which is also fun. I love being able to tell people the good and the bad. Have you ever been told what you mean to someone? Your eyes are opened to an appreciation you just weren't ready for. And that is so refreshing. I love doing that to people. "Hey, I really appreciate how hard to work at..." Or for my clients, "Thank you for trusting me with your health concerns. I love watching you progress." I get some sick high from it. I wish that this world could handle more of the truth. I wish more people would tell their kids the truth, both good and bad. I think it's safe to say that all of us could go back two generations and say, "Oh no, my grandparents never talked about (fill in the blank)." There were many things that were kept secret. And I get that to a point. The created a generation of people that don't know how to accept honesty because they never heard it. And it seems to have trickled to my generation. And now we tell our kids they're fantastic and give them trophies just for showing up! Don't get me wrong, I'm all for encouragement, but we aren't helping our kids. They grow up thinking that they are God's gift to life and when things get tough, they falter or fail, they don't know how to handle it. I get it. My dad was harsh with truth. But I saw the love. He told me the truth because he didn't want me to end up some loser living in his basement. By today's standards, someone would have called child services because he didn't paint a picture with rainbow, glitter, and unicorns. But ya know what? I am so grateful for the honesty. I never walked around with a chip on my shoulder because he wouldn't let me. I knew my strengths. I knew my weaknesses. Without the truth, I would not be where I am today. Sometimes the truth hurts. It hurts to hear where we are failing. It hurts to find short comings. I get it. I truly get it. But it's in that hurt that we make decisions. We can choose to live with our failings or rise above. The truth will help you rise from the ashes. We cannot shy from it. We must run to it.
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Time is one of my biggest struggles. Time is important. We must be on time. Being late is rude. We need to make time for things we care about. We must have time for what we love. There's never enough time or there is far too much time. The scales of the balance never hang in balance. Time. It's supposed to heal all wounds. It's supposed to make our hearts grow fonder. But if we don't use it wisely enough we don't repair those relationships or go after what we long for and then the time is simply gone. And what have we to show for it. Time. We wake up early. We stay up late. We cram in meetings, appointments, families, and hobbies. We leave time to recover because we need time to recover. But then did we waste our time? We could have done more. We sit on death's door and wonder, "What for?" Have we done enough? Will we do enough? When will we find the time to do the things we know we must?! We give people our time. We give schedules our time. We give away our time, but in the end we wish we had more time. Even if we had more time. If we found a way to add time to our day, would it be worth it? What would fill it? Would it be another task, another project, something more to be completed? Would we use it to sit and rest? Would we use it with purpose or throw it to the wind? Time. They say time waits for no man. The time has come. The time goes by. But yet we move the hours by seasons to trick ourselves into believe we have more of it. Time.
If you read this in a rushed and hurried tone, I thank you. If not, reread it. Add to it the angst I hope to portray. The fleeting of seconds that go by, and yet the constant yearning to grab onto more. For those that have struggled with understanding anxiety, I feel this piece is a summation of what it's like inside the head of someone battling. We attempt to wrap our minds around abstract concepts like time. We long to endure under the weight of the pressures brought on by simple items that everyone else seems to master. And each step forward we take, we question it. We are treading a slippery slope these days. Here in America, we have been given liberty and freedom. And by golly, we deserve it! We woke up here.
Okay, my sarcasm may not be the most appropriate here, but let’s be honest- There are people who have given so much for those of us that haven’t really done a thing. I was thinking about how some people speak and act these days, and after my disgust, I realized something. My disgust is probably an ounce of the disappointment God feels towards humans. After all, he gave his son, and gave free will. Knowing that, I was able to see things a little more clearly. When I think about my walk, there are many times that I come face to face with options. Some options are clear cut, black and white, wrong or right. Other decisions have gray area. Sometimes I have a choice between two good things. Other times my choice is two bad things. And there are times when the choices are neither good nor bad, or a little of both, and I just have to pick. So, what do I do? Many times, I weigh my decision based upon the reach of my decision. Who will hear me say that? Who will see me do this? Who will be affected by this? Many today would say, “Who cares! You do you, baby!” But I have yet to find that in scripture. In fact, the closest I see is in Romans with the discussion of whether to drink alcohol and eat unkosher food. And the measure for that is whether or not it will cause someone to stumble. In other words, we should care about how our decision will affect those around us. I’m sorry, but I do not want to see the list of people I have caused to stumble. And if I must, I sure don’t want to see that list a mile long. As a human, I have free will. As a Christian I have freedom. As an American I have liberty. But just because I have been given the allowance to do as I want, does not mean I should. A friend of mine loves this short little comic that shows two men on some grass looking at a white fence that says “Do not cross.” One guy says he’s tired of always following the rules so he jumps the fence. The next panel shows the other man saying, “It wasn’t a fence to keep us in, it was a guard rail to protect us.” (Paraphrasing) The man who jumped, finds him self falling off a cliff. When I think of the ten commandments, I struggle to think that God needed to give these ten rules. Lately I have been looking through the filter of them not being rules, but being a hedge of protection for us. When you look at the ten commandments you might think, “duh, I’m not going to kill someone. That’s too far.” But outside of the mentally unstable, have you ever seen a person that killed another human being speak about the incident? MOST are filled with regret. I’ll get personal. When I was in college, there was a guy that started hanging around me. We started “talking” if you understand that vernacular. Later I found out that he was dating someone. I was horrified. I had NO intentions of getting between a couple. I had NO desire to break them off. When I found out, I stopped talking to him. It wasn’t right. Quite honestly, I was filled with regret, and my “sin” was out of pure ignorance. I assumed he was single because people in relationships shouldn’t be talking to singles! Technically, you could say that I coveted her boyfriend. Granted, I didn’t know he was a boyfriend, but I desired to date someone else’s man. The commandment on not coveting them doesn’t hurt him. I’m sure it hurt her, if she ever found out. It hurt me. So God’s command to not covet was a railing to save my emotions and hers. I know that one is tricky because my sin was unknowing, but I think you understand. The point is, just because I could physically harm someone, doesn’t mean I should. Just because I could steal my neighbor’s things, doesn’t mean I should. And just because you can say something, in person or online, doesn’t mean you should. Our liberty, freedom, and free-will does not mean we should be horrible people. My freedom does not trump your value. |
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May 2023
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