Parenting is so hard sometimes. The entire process of parenting is based on the idea of knowing when, where, and how to draw boundary lines for the little ones in your charge. For the most part, we draw on the experiences of our youth and upbringing to decide how we want to do things for our children. We look at what we thought was good, bad, encouraging, or reckless and form our decisions. Sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong. It's all trial and error.
One thing I see is that many people don't let their children fail. I know I've talked about this before. But recently, I have seen it play out a little more. I guess it's being in the dance world where everyone gets something. Everyone is given an award for their scores, no matter the score. Then they have overall winners. There often seems to be no rhyme or reason for who is at the top and who is not. Some competitions like acro, some don't. Some want to see little girls look like strippers. Some care about flashiness. There are times when a child could score their worst and be the best in the bunch and then score their best and lose. Subjectivity is B. It's what happens after that I find myself watching. I know the girls on the team and can read their emotions. I can see the parents and how they respond. I can usually figure that out. But I like to look at the other teams, too. I like to see if they are good sports win or lose. I like to watch if parents are mad their baby didn't do well. It intrigues me. At the end of the day, I like to see who the kids are as humans. Because in just a few short years, they'll be managers, staff, teachers, leaders, and so much more. I want to know if anyone is raising their kid to take it on the chin and keep going. My daughter recently didn't do well according to the judges' scores. The judges' remarks were opposite. They adored her. But the scores kept her from placing. When she received her medal for scoring, she didn't care. She told me to trash it. She didn't want it because it wasn't of value to her. But she didn't quit. She didn't stop dancing. In fact, that was her best solo all year. She was stunning and graceful, poised and relaxed. I was in mama heaven! But to her, it wasn't worth it. She wanted to do better. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with her wanting to do better than the last time. I'm okay with her wanting to win. Don't we all want our children to pursue greatness? At the same competition I witness a group of girls taking pictures. They were all getting in and smiling except for one. The mother tried to get her in the photo. She cajoled. She encouraged. She came close to demanding. She gently pushed her toward the group while her daughter placed all her weight against the mother saying no. And so her mother moved. The girl fell. And if I'm honest, I had to stifle my laugh. I was so happy to see the mother do that. She let her fail. She said she would no longer support her unhappy ways. And I was thrilled. Don't get me wrong, I understand. Kids aren't show ponies to be in our social media agendas. But when your group of friends wants you to join for one picture, is it that hard? Go. Smile. Then walk away and be grumpy. Everyone wins. The situation above was a fine line between not forcing a child to do something they don't want (hello to a world of abuse) and obedience to parents. This situation showed the girl's personality in that moment. And to be fair, a prayer goes up for next few years of teenage angst to come. But also, it showed the mom. It showed she was willing to let her daughter physically fall to prove the point that her attitude was being seen by all. That's hard. It's hard to admit when your child is acting out. We seem so quick to make excuses for them - she's tired, she's hungry, he had a bad day at school, his friend was mean to him. But when they get older, they won't have parents to make excuses. And often, they'll make the excuses themselves. And what we are left with is a group of people that does not understand how to take responsibility for their actions. Come on parents. Step up. It's for the good of us all.
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I have a love/hate relationship with fixing up my house. Don't get me wrong. I like it clean and organized. But when we bought the house, we bought it as a starter house. We weren't going to live there for long, and it definitely wouldn't hold us with two children.
When we bought the house I despised the kitchen counter tops. They are hideous. I have since seen the counter top used at restaurants and my obgyn. Yeah. I'm not a fan. But geez, that costs too much money for a starving artist and her teacher husband. And on top of that, we won't be here too long. Well, when my son was about a year and half, my dad built this beautiful floor to ceiling built in book shelf. Wow. That alone told me I could never give up this house. Stunning. And everyone loves it. But then the rest of the house looked blegh. That's my love/hate relationship. Every time we do something in our house that makes, it makes another part of that room look worse. It's a never end cycle of fixing, improving, repairing, and spending! We spend our time and money. It gets you though. You start a project. You hope it goes well. You finish the project. LOVE! Why didn't we do this sooner? Oh, right. Time and money. Things we didn't have. We got a little of it. Then we used it all on that small project. Now we need more of it to keep going. Not all projects take money. Sometimes it's just the time. It's sorting through clothes. It's reorganizing dressers and cabinets. It's making a mess, so you can make it cleaner. The mental fatigue (at least for someone like me) is overwhelming. But then once it is done, the satisfaction outweighs the frustration. At least for the time being. Throughout the last two years, we have done a great deal with our home. Minor improvements inside and out. But now that we are actually taking the time and money to make things better, I can't help but see all of the things that are awful. My hope is that one day I will wake up to a well painted house with organized rooms and counters that don't make me want to vomit. Until then, I'm grateful for a home that protects us. My new task of recent weeks is to take projects and divide them into smaller pieces. Each Wednesday I try to knock out one piece of the project. The goal is that by the end of the year, my home will look new and fresh, organized, and maximized. I don't know if it will happen, but I have enjoyed my weekly projects. This year I have added privacy film to windows, had my husband paint accent walls, reorganized my kitchen cabinets, reorganized my closet and dresser, changed up the laundry room, and organized bathrooms and bedrooms. Little by little, things are improving. But there is still much that needs attention - and cash flow! Because I spend most of my days in my home, I am finding it more important to make it the home I want. It is this little piece of appreciation and renovations that can bring peace. My dear, sweet reader. I do apologize. When I had written this post and scheduled it for last Thursday, we lost internet and it did not keep my schedule! I do apologize. I know we want to know what happened in the final life of the azaleas.
They did not die! Those azaleas bloomed bright. The cold withered them to sorry looking blobs. And then, they returned. They were majestic in their second bloom. Stronger. More abundant! That's the thing about life. When we blossom and bloom in our lives, there always seems to be a force that tries to take us out. A cold front of haters, jealous people, frustrated in their own shortcomings. But if we endure. If we fight through the cold. If we let our strong roots stay deep in the soil, we can get through. We can come back and be more beautiful than the first bloom. The key to survival is hidden in that paragraph above. Did you catch it? It has nothing to do with the weather. It isn't about the flower. It all comes down to our root system. We understand this when we look to nature. We know that the trees whose roots are deep will weather the storm. We know that cacti roots are wide and shallow to gather water. We know that trees in swamp lands have roots that come back to the surface for oxygen. We understand it. Humans can study nature and see how each root system might be different, but needed for the environment. And regardless of the style, when the roots are strong, the plant is strong. If we are to blossom in our own lives and weather the storm, we need strong roots. We need to know where are strength comes from. The source of our nourishment must not waver. When we are established and strong, our flowers may bloom too early. They may get hit by a cold front. They may lose petals to an unforeseen storm, but the plant itself is steady and strong. It will grow again and again. We are not annuals that are here for a season, we are perennials that must be maintained. And every season our roots grow stronger, our branches reach farther. Dear reader, please know where your roots lie. Find the true source of nourishment that can weather any storm. If you don't, you might not come back after a cold front and the rest of the world would not be as beautiful. |
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May 2023
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