Everyday I learn and grow. I'm always trying to increase my mind's usefulness. I've always had a strong mind. Will power, strength, endurance to deal with whatever life throws at me. I'm a pretty determined person. Sometimes, it's a little more difficult when we need to have that mental strength for something that we don't necessarily want.
When I was in high school, all I could think about was getting to play college basketball. My high school "coach" (he had the title but couldn't coach basketball at all) was a total jerk. Knowing that I was the only player with aspirations to move on, he decided to play mind games with me. He knew he wouldn't break me, though I know he tried. I was too strong for his games. What he didn't realize was that, I wasn't playing for him. I didn't care one bit what that bald piece of crap thought. He didn't have the correct skills. He didn't teach the correct skills. He couldn't even tell the point guard which offense to run when the defense changed. His basketball knowledge amounted to piddly squat! I wasn't playing for his approval. I played for me, my parents, and God. If I could make those three proud, I was on target. That "coach" may have thought he was bringing out the best in me, but the truth was, he brought out the worst. He tried to unfocus me. Who does that? An idiot. From that point on, I knew my mental strength was something that would have to get me through a lot. And boy has it. Time and time again I have been knocked down, beat up, and kicked in the teeth. No matter how many times I get pushed around I still find a way to get back on my feet. So why post about this? Bragging rights? Sure! No, no, no. I see a lack of mental strength in many people I encounter these days. There's always a reason to drop out, quit, move on, and not think twice. But why don't we think twice? Doesn't it bother you when something isn't done that could be? I'm so thankful for the family I grew up in. They expected me to do well in whatever I did. There was no participation trophy. There was no, "Well, you tried your best." No! We were taught to work hard, do your best, and reap your reward. I suppose that's where the deficit of mental strength is. Time outs and trophies. In all these years of dealing with children's emotions, we dropped the ability to strengthen their minds. How does anyone gain strength? Through tension. Pressure. I love strength training, in reference to the body. Your muscles literally tear at a cellular level and then are built back up. Now, we can't tear the feelings of little ones. It will damage them. HA! You mean to tell me that challenging your children, telling them no, and not letting them win will damage them? That's what's wrong. That level of thinking started with my parents' generation. Look at us now. I watch people give up on so many things at the drop of a hat because it's hard or it didn't turn out the way they planned. We need that mental fortitude to say, "I can do this. I can get through this." It isn't easy. It isn't fun, but the reward is. I have had things given to me. It was okay. It's nothing like when I work for it, though. Things taste so much sweeter when you work for them. The mind controls the body. The mind makes decisions. The mind says yes or no. But we can train the mind. We can begin to control it and argue with it. So why not do it? I love watching clients learn how their mind panics for no reason. They begin a cardio exercise and BAM! it's panicked breathing. Short, shallow breaths consume them. No oxygen reaches their brain. "Quit! Quit now!" The brain yells. So I get to teach them. As you begin, focus on your breathing. Take longer, deeper breaths. Let the oxygen reach the brain, and teach that mind that what you are doing is okay. It's a beautiful thing to watch. A recent study came out about incorporating the mind in exercise and all parts of life. When you have the ability to focus on the task at hand, you are able to go beyond your limits. You keep out the distractions around you and push through. While the study was performed on individuals during exercises of a variety of types, it transfers over to whatever it is we are doing. Here's the breakdown: If we want to pursue anything with all our strength, we must incorporate the mind. You make the choice, sometimes before the difficult process even arrives. Make the decision to strive through the tough times. If you struggle through, keep going. If you need help to continue, take the help. But don't quit. Just don't quit. Run the run. Finish the job. Write what needs to be said. Read what needs to be read. Grow. Process. Take control of your life and do each thing with purpose. And do it well.
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Ok, I've posted some heavier-I-needed-it-off-my-chest stuff lately. So I thought I would switch it up here. On my mind, as a trainer, I'm always wrestling with what to say when people tell me they need to lose 'x' amount of weight. It's one thing if they are my client. I get down to it. But when it's random people - friends, family, neighbors, whoever- I struggle with what to tell them. "I need to lose 20 lbs." Ok, so do I agree? Do I deny it? Here's what I want to say.
Let's do the math to really find out how much weight you need to lose. I'm going to give a couple of examples so that we can see what really needs to happen. It's all science. RBW= LBM / (1-DFP) What does that mean? Recommended Body Weight (RBW) - This is the weight you should be according to science. Lean Body Mass (LBM) - Everything that is not fat: muscle, bone, intestines, etc Desired Fat Percentage (DFP)- The body fat percentage that you want to be Please remember that when you choose the body fat percentage you would like to be, you need to look at what is healthy. So let's take a look at a few people. Jenny is 150lbs with a body fat % at 24%. She is in her late 20's and therefore would like to get down to 18% body fat. Let's fill in her formula: RBW=114 / (1-0.18) To find LBM take the weight and multiply by the fat % (150*0.24=36). Then subtract the fat weight from the total body weight (150-36=114). RBW=114/.82 = 139 For Jenny to be 18% BF she should weigh 139 lbs. So when she says she needs to lose 20 lbs I say NO! Jenny needs to drop 11 lbs. Suzie is 230lbs with a BF% at 28%. She is 38 and knows that 20% is excellent for a woman her age and decides to shoot for it. Here we go! RBW=165.6/(1-0.2) RBW=165.6/0.8 RBW=207 Suzie can lose 23 lbs and be looking good feeling fine. Can you picture Jenny and Suzie? Unless you've been in the fitness world for a while, probably not. We don't know how tall either of them are. We don't know if they can bench press 135lbs or if they have never done a bench press in their lives. Let's change this up a smidge. Suzie still weighs 230lbs, but she hasn't engaged in exercise in quite some time. Her BF% is 33%. She still hopes for 20% BF, so let's see how this works. RBW=154.1/(1-0.2) RBW=154.1/0.8 RBW=192.6 Hold up. So why did her RBW change? Look at it. Though the weight was the same, the BF% wasn't. At 33% BF, there is much less LBM. Suzie has no muscle. Now instead of losing 23lbs, she needs to lose 37.4lbs!! Why present this to the public world of the three of my readers? I think we focus all too much on the numbers. We see the scale move or stay and we just can't figure it out. We struggle to see it and hope for the best. It messes with our minds. However, when we take into account how much muscle have, how tall we are, or whatever our situation is, we can accept our bodies for the strong, beautiful, life giving, care taking bodies they are. There's something that goes around through each person. I truly believe that Satan works this power on each individual for some time or another. And when it gets someone, boy does it work.
Discontentment. Being discontent is easy. My house is too small. The yard is too small. Neighbors are packed in on top of each other with no privacy. I need to move! I see/hear this all the time. I have asked people where they're from. The list goes on past five or six places and I think, "Oh military family." Nope. Just never found the right place. There's always something wrong. Too cold. Too hot. Not a big enough house. Don't like the neighborhood. The list goes on. Never content with where they are. In my case, yes, the house is too small for my family, but at least we're always together. Our yard is tiny, but it's less maintenance. Our neighbors are only a few feet away, but they're there if I'm in trouble. I have a house. We've made it a home. It provides shelter. Despite the downfalls of my home, I am content with it. It's a terrible thing to never be content. People often associate contentment with happiness, but I tell you they are not the same. Happy is an emotion. It comes and goes like the waves on the beach. It's circumstantial. Work goes well, I am happy. Work sucks, I am sad. Contentment should not be placed within the emotional realm. Let's talk about the glass being half empty or full. To see it full is positive thinking. To see it empty is to have a negative outlook. Even that gets over analyzed. No! No! Seeing it half empty can be good because it means that we have taken a drink! Oh, brother. Contentment does not range within this positive or negative outlook mumbo jumbo either. Contentment is looking at the glass be it filled at any range or not at all and being thankful for the glass. We see it in the church all too often. "I just haven't found the right fit for me." Or my favorite, "We can't find a church that meets our needs." Ugh. That's the problem. We look for a church to fill our needs. We should be looking for a church that we can fill their needs. There will never be a perfect fit in terms of church - meaning the individual group that collectively meets on Sundays. The music is too loud. The music is too boring. The kids church isn't good enough. The pastor is old and wears blue suits from the 70's. It's too far away. I don't like the small group options. So fix it. Maybe God brought you through those doors because you see those needs that the membership doesn't. Can you help it or are you going to just sit around and complain?! Completely discontent with the options around us for worship services is exactly where Satan wants you. Useless. Whining. Philippians 4:10-12 says this: I rejoiced greatly in the Lord that at last you renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you were concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. Paul writes about contentment from a prison cell. We can't be happy with our 1,500+ sq ft homes. Paul is in prison for doing his job of spreading the gospel, but we aren't thankful for a job that pays the bills. Paul encourages churches from his prison cell while we grumble about the lacks within our local churches. Being content is the secret, he says. I'd like to uncover this secret to any and all that will read this. Seek contentment. The definition of contentment is satisfaction; ease of mind. Think about it, can't you see why Satan would want us to be discontent?! Why would he want us satisfied? When we're satisfied, we are joyful, thankful, loving. When we do not have ease of mind we are frustrated, agitated, unsettled. I urge you, be content. My life was changed the day I chose contentment so many years ago. Yours can be too. I'm about to step on some toes. If you are easily offended don't bother reading.
So, there is an issue in the church that is causing both non-believers and believers to come against the people of our beloved church. (Please note, when I say church I mean the group of Christian believers. This is not a particular church building/group, this is the body of Christ as a whole throughout America.) Parenting. There I said it. For some reason in the church today it seems that parents everywhere have forgotten what Proverbs says. Parents have forgotten that discipline is necessary. We are so worried about their feelings and making them cry, that we let them act terribly. This is it: If you are a parent, and your child is not a good child, it shows who you are as a parent. You are too busy being their friend and not spending enough time being the adult. Where do I see this? Literally everywhere. We sit at a restaurant and children are out of control. They are arguing with their parents. They won't sit still. They are loud and rude. This is not okay. I see it at grocery stores. Parents trying to reason with children. They throw a fit, and then as a result of them calming down, Mommy dearest buys them something. What? I see it in my church all the time. Children that talk back to their parents, to the teachers. They won't listen. Kids putting stickers on desks in a building that the church doesn't own! Holy cow. Look, if a non-Christian has a bad child I don't really care. It's a nuisance, yes, but I don't mind. They aren't led by God. So be it. Ephesians 6 tells children to obey their parents. It tells the fathers to bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord. Where is that? I love what Titus 1:6 "An elder must be blameless, faithful to his wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient." My husband may not be an elder in our church, however I can tell you that he is faithful to me, and his children believe AND they are not wild and disobedient. As for blameless, well, who is? He is covered by the blood of Christ and strives to live faithfully. Though the scripture is for an elder within the church, my husband and I have used it So here it is. Proverbs - the book of wisdom - 23:13-14 says this, "Do not withhold discipline from a child; if you punish them with the rod, they will not die. Punish them with the rod and save them from death." Ok, I haven't used a rod. But I have spanked my children. And guess what, they didn't die! Man, I love that, "they will not die." When I think of parents and their fear of spanking children, I think about that. It won't kill them. In fact, it will save them from death! Parents, discipline your children with godly love. God punishes those whom he loves. If you love your child, you will use discipline so that they will see how you saved them, and in turn, how God has saved them. Christian parents, our children should be an example for the world. If your child(ren) are not setting an example of proper behavior - anywhere they go -then perhaps you aren't setting the expectations necessary. The title might give away exactly how I feel these days.
Back in the 90's I was blessed enough to know of the group DC Talk. One of the best songs they have is "Love is a verb." That song makes you think. Just the title tells you. Love is always thought of as some intangible item around us. Love is a verb. It is something you do. So what does that have to do with the title? Everything. "Parent" is most often thought of as a noun. I am a parent. I'm proud of that. I have given life to two beautiful, smart, funny children. But I think I am most proud of being a parent because I parent. If you look up parent on dictionary.com, you'll see that it starts out with the definition as a noun. Next, it gives the definition as an adjective. Finally, it shows it as a verb. "To be or act as parent of." To be or to act. That is where many American families fall apart. Look, I get it, kids are emotional. They act irrationally so often. When that happens, it is our job to parent! We must set the ground rules. We must take the action. Kids are not going to learn that throwing a fit is wrong, unless we teach them that. My daughter threw a fit just the other day. Did I ignore her? No. Did I spank her? No. I looked at her and made her make eye contact. I spoke to her sternly. "AJ, stop. There is no need to cry right now. If you want to go through that door, you need to calm down." Guess what happened. She sucked in that bottom lip. She wiped the tears from her eyes. She walked through that door with composure. Ah ha ha! Did I perform magic? No! I parented! And you know what? You can too! There are times for ignoring the fit (we know, when they just want attention). There are times to spank (it's been too many times). There are times to speak, and to speak as a parent. There was no sweet talking or negotiation. There was fact. If you want to walk in there, you need to stop. I didn't give that "oh sweetie, it's okay, what do you need, baby?" attitude. No, it was firm. That's what parenting takes. It takes action, even in these little silly moments. Why do I post this? I'm so tired of being subject to the poor behavior of children while they are with their parents. I know that some people have had the cops called on them for spanking their children, but I'm seeing that attitude less and less. More people want to see you parent. They/We want to see that you can control your child. I'm so tired of people making excuses for their kids. "Oh, it's nap time." "They aren't used to this environment." "They just woke up." Look, I get it. I've said those excuses. But I've said those excuses fewer times than anyone on this planet. Here's the rub- Parenting is an obligation. It is a responsibility. You are in charge of how those little ones will turn out. When people compliment my children's behavior I am grateful. It took a lot of hard work. It's still hard work. I'm not done yet, but I'm prepared to keep working. I know that I have another 16 years to instill in them all that I wish for them. I want them to follow God. I want them to have a good work ethic. I want them to love deeply. I want them to chase dreams. I want them to be polite, and use good manners (not because we're in the south, but because it's right). I want my children to be people that other parents will want their kids to look up to. And that is only the beginning. But I will work. Not for me, but for them. When I begrudgingly switched my major from athletic training to physical education, I was asked which grade level I would like to teach. I was quick to answer. "High school. I want to be able to talk to them. I can't deal with little kids." I was right about not liking the younger grades. I did some student teaching for grades K-3 and subbed in elementary schools. I remember one child that refused to learn my name. He would hit my hip over and over saying, "Teacher, teacher." Ugh, I hated it. Those sticky hands constantly hitting my crisp clean dress pants.
Over time I have come to realize it isn't the annoyance of children it's the annoyance of the neediness of children. I can't deal with the neediness of anyone. We all know those people that can't get past themselves. It's like their back in grade school yelling out, "Call on me! Oh I know! Me! Me! Me!" Thanks to Facebook we see it all the more. If you're like me you tend to think, "Gee, what did this person go through as kids that they need that much attention now?" You feel sorry for them. You think their parents must of ignored them horribly. You begin to picture them with chubby cheeks, sitting at a desk all alone, they just want someone to love them. Then reality sets in. You get to know them better. They just seem to always lack that recognition. They stir the pot and create drama. There is always something wrong. Life just isn't fair to them. And you think, "Too bad, life is never fair." For some reason there just doesn't seem to be a fix. One day, they life sucking "Pick me! Pick me!" turns around to give back. And you stop and think, "Huh, maybe it was just a weird period." But the cycle continues. Then you realize you need to make a choice. Will you be the person that tries to figure out their need and fix them or will you let them go? Let me help you with this. You do a little of both. You let them go and do their thing, but you help them along the way. I'm not a psychiatrist or a psychologist, but I will give some advice. Without God, nothing is going to change. Even with God, there may be little change. People that are always crying for help, and searching for love will not be satisfied until they learn exactly who they are in God. They need to know their strengths and weaknesses. They need to know who God has made them as, and for what purpose. I'm not a betting girl, but I'd put a couple bucks on it that those people are floundering in their purpose in life. So pray for them. And be there for them. It may not be that they are completely crazy and needy, it could just be that they trust you. Maybe they need someone to confide in, and they chose you. What a great burden to bear! (Gal 6) If it's someone you see on Facebook all the time, stop following them. Take a break from Facebook. Do what you need to do. If it is someone coming to you, pray for them, and pray for yourself. **If you don't know a person like this, you might need some self-evaluation. It might be you!** As many of my dearest readers know, my book "The Adventures of Bugaboo & Ladybug: Up, Up, & Away" has been printed and in my hands for two weeks now. It has been at the forefront of my work these days (hence my lack of posts throughout the site). I apologize if you're looking for something new. I have visited, called, and emailed so many people throughout this venture on top of the other work and daily tasks. I am worn.
Despite the hub-bub, I still haven't quite gotten used to the fact I'm a published author. Me. It's so surreal. Wednesday I read at a local library. Two mothers asked me if I would take a picture with their children. It wasn't until after the event that I realized, I'm an author and it's cool for other people to meet me! Ha! What a trip! I'm continually told by people that they think it's so "cool" to know an author, and they actually mean me. Today, as I spoke with someone she told me I'm still surprised by it all because I'm humble. I didn't think about it that way. But I can honestly say that this entire experience has been humbling. The support from friends, family, and even perfect strangers, has been overwhelming. Charlie could attest to the amount of times that I have been brought to tears by the actions of others. Seriously, who am I that people would help me? I can't get over it. I'm so thankful and truly humbled by it all. I can't count the number of people who have said, "I'm so proud of you!" as they hugged me with smiles and squeals. Words just cannot do justice to the waves of emotions brought on by this experience. To all of you who have supported me, be it monetarily, mentally, emotionally, and any other way possible. I wish I had any way to repay the kindness you have shown me through the last year. I will never forget how God has used you to help me. And yes, you all are keeping me humble. Thank you. |
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