Well, humor comes in many forms. Today, I laugh and cry at the same time.
I recently wrote a beautiful piece discussing failures and our response. As I clicked that little button to post, the website logged me out. I lost the entire post. I failed to post on failure. I see the irony and I snicker. However, I doubt I could rephrase my post as I had so previously done. So, I'm going to demonstrate what I said in the lost post through this post. The opposite of failure is not success. Success is subjective. Success can be circumstantial. I would argue that the opposite of failure is steady progress. Steady progress shows that you are willing to take the failure and turn it into something better. Steady progress tells me that I wasn't where I was before. To go from failure to success in one swoop could mean a lucky/unlucky moment. Not that there is luck, but simply that the circumstances surrounding the incident have changed in one way or another to bring about "success." If we are to continue forward in steady progress we show that we are growing and moving from that failure to become better. And each day it will become easier to move into a positive outcome and further from the failure. I fail daily. I say something stupid. I don't teach my kids well. I lose some item (not just my mind). But if I can acknowledge my failure and work to not repeat that failure, I am less likely to fail in that area and way again. That will infiltrate to other areas of my life. I can learn from my failures in one aspect of life, and apply knowledge and wisdom to not carry that failure over. It's okay to fail. If we don't fail, we don't grow. I wish I would have known that as a child. In a way, I did. In school, failure is not an option. In sports, it just happens. Someone has to lose. Athletes are taught to work harder, fight tougher, and get back up from the defeat. Education tells us, you weren't good enough. Try harder, or this test grade will be your quarter grade, semester grade, year grade. So how does that translate into life? You would think that the athletes would have a better time of it, or the brainiacs would always do well. The truth is, there are some failures that effort and hard work won't fix. And if the brainiacs aren't used to poor grades, they can't always handle a poor review. We need to be prepared for the fact that we might fail. We shouldn't plan for failure. We should work towards our goals. Yet, we should know that failure might occur, and we need to know what we will do in the face of it. Once we have our path set, we just push forward. Always making steady progress. You will fail. What will you do with it?
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We can all sing the words, maybe even picture the video.
"My loneliness is killing me..." Ah yes. The continual loneliness plea. I have often battled with the loneliness as many do. The oxymoron comes in that I would enjoy being alone. Greatly. Even before having kids and homeschooling them. In college I used to go to the movies alone. I loved it. Go when I want. Get the snacks I want. Sit where I want. Not feel bad about not talking. Ah. Being alone is lovely. So, why would I get lonely? Loneliness does not stem from being alone. Loneliness comes from being with people and yet, not feeling like you're actually with them. It's a lack of connection. If I'm alone and I feel lonely, I should find a person to be with, whether it is texting or calling or actually getting together. When you are with someone or many someones and feel alone, it can be truly difficult. There is no greater pain than wanting to connect and not being able to connect. So where does this disconnect come from? Oh man, I do not have the time to unpack all of that. I'll just stick with my personal loneliness. When I was in high school, I figured out that I would rather be alone than with people. I couldn't stand to be in a room of people because it was more than likely I was the odd man out. I could be social. I could schmooze. But I didn't want to. I wanted someone to see me and know that I was struggling. Nobody did. Or, if they did, they didn't know how to address it, so they avoided me. There were times that I wished they would have made an effort to notice and pretend like they could help me. Usually, I understood that they couldn't help me, and it wasn't their responsibility to do so, and I let it go. I was lonely in crowds, so I preferred to be alone. At least if I was lonely when I was alone, it was acceptable. Eventually, I learned to enjoy being alone. I enjoyed not having to put on a fake face for the sake of other people. I enjoyed being able to come and go as I pleased. I enjoyed watching whatever I felt like, or talking to whomever I chose to on my own terms. The only problem was this: We aren't created to be alone. We are creatures created to connect with people. We are made for relationships. This comes naturally for the extroverts. They can make friends with whomever they feel like. They just start talking and hope for the best. Those of us that would rather sit against the wall and read a book end up looking like the bad guys. We refuse to connect. Truth is, there is usually a reason why we refuse to connect. For many of us, we have been burned, and burned badly. The scars are so deep that we can't think about opening up again. For others, we just plain don't know how to connect. We haven't had real relationships. When given the opportunity, we usually think that we're doing what we're supposed to, but we're wrong. The extrovert is usually offended by this. It isn't personal. It's just how it is. Time and time again, we may try and fail. Eventually, people give up on us. We give up on ourselves. Recently, I posted something on Facebook. Overall, the response was good. Yet for some reason, my Aunt decided to respond in a completely inappropriate way. She took something good for me, and turned it into something negative in her world. I wanted to reply with, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." I didn't. It wasn't a nasty comment. It was just... stupid. After reading it, I was about to show my husband to start my, "Seriously?" rant. Before I could, my brother texted me. When he made it clear in his terms of "What is wrong with her?" I felt better. It was the same reason I wanted to show my husband the comment. I wanted a connection. I wanted to know that my emotions and reactions were on par for the situation. And when I received that text, my heart floated up a notch or two. I wasn't alone. Not only did I receive validation, I didn't have to seek it out. I wasn't alone calling to they abyss. He came to me. He agreed with me, when I didn't need to ask. He won't read this, I don't believe he reads my blogs. However, I know that I can say this. My brother lives less than a half mile away from me. We walk to his house. Sometimes, even though we're so close, we don't see each other for weeks or months at a time. And you know, I feel it. I miss my connection with my brother. But all it took was a little text from him, and it was like we were back to childhood. I pray that you find connections. True, meaningful, lasting connections. I hope that your relationships will be built so strongly, that you know you have someone on your side for the big things and the small things. We are meant to connect. We are not designed for loneliness. If you are lonely, reach out to someone. Not everyone will be a good fit. Some people might not know how to respond to your loneliness. But we still must continue to try. Reach for connections. Reach out to one another. If you find someone that is lonely, stay near them. Hang with them. Let them talk. Let them sit in silence. Don't give up on them. They will be grateful. First off, let me begin by saying that I really, truly, beyond a doubt did not want to write this.
However, it has been shown to me that my reason for not wanting this out in the open is because of my pride alone. I did not want others within the situation to think they had gotten the better of me and I was in an irrational mess. That's when I saw how it was more about a me vs. them fight. And I was reminded the battle is not mine, but the Lord's. Anyway. I would ask you to read Mark 12:13-40. I wanted to type it out, but it's a bit long. Read it? Great. What's the point of reading that passage? Well, this week I have felt like Jesus. Let me tell you that does not happen often. I'm normally more of a Peter. I mean well, but I usually get fired up and stick my foot in my mouth. In this passage, Mark tells us the story of Jesus is being tested by the leaders of the Jewish community. At the beginning, the Pharisees wanted to know about taxes. Jesus answers to give to Caesar what is Caesar's and give to God what is God's. Can we take this for what it is? The world has its own. God has His own. There is a difference. We do not give to Caesar what is God's and we do not give to God what is Caesar's. (Don't start with the argument of all things are God's. They are not. Sin is not God's. All things are subject to His authority, that doesn't mean it belongs with him.) He moves on and the Sadducees pipe up. They want to know who gets the wife in heaven if she has been with seven (legally and by the law of Moses). Jesus says, "You do not understand the Scriptures or the power of God." *gulp* He finishes their argument with "He is not the God of the dead, but of the living; you are greatly mistaken." Woah. Let's place this in context. Jesus has told us that HE is the bread of life, not Moses. Jesus came to fulfill the law. It's done. The old testament law is done. He fulfilled it. There's a new sheriff in town, and He is the law, and His law is life abundant. I wish I could unpack all of this, but I can't. I encourage you to read "Irresistible" by Andy Stanley to grasp it better. He then moves on to a scribe's question, and the scribe is told, "You are not far from the kingdom of God." In other words, keep going, you'll find the truth soon. And what does the truth do? Sets us free! Versus 38-40 are remarkable. "In His teaching He was saying: 'Beware of the scribes who like to walk around in long robes, and like respectful greetings in the market places, and chief seats in the synagogues and places of honor at banquets, who devour widows' houses, and for appearance's sake offer long prayers; these will receive greater condemnation." *mic drop* The issue that led me hear was very unusual. An individual was questioning a post I shared on social media. The first comment left on the post was accusatory and came from misunderstanding the post. The next morning, I awoke to a message from the individual. Immediately, my spirit was in a state of unrest. I did not look at it, nor respond until after my quiet time so as I could hope to focus my heart and mind on the things not of this world and be a good representative for God. Reading the question, I knew something was up. It was worded as if to be seeking understanding, yet I knew that there was accusation behind it. My anxiety rose. (In my case, that means bad news physically.) I responded stating the point behind the post, while also expressing that a lack of personal experience probably keeps them from gathering what the person was saying. The next morning I was inundated with more messages. My immediate response was - Yo, I got kids to homeschool, a house to clean, and clients that pay. You can get a response when I get time. I didn't. I entertained these repetitive questions. I attempted to express that he was bringing in points that were nothing to do with the post and making more of things that were there. And when he questioned my foundation I almost decided to lose my Jesus, but thankfully kept it together. As I tried to put together the incoherent writings to try to gather what point he was attempting, I responded with this: The Bible tells us that we are to hold each other accountable as Christians, but the judgment of non-believers was left for God. I believe the reason this person could not accept a decent post was because the person saying it stated that they were gay. The point he was trying to make, to the best of my understanding, was that since it wasn't from a Christian we couldn't agree with it. Kind of like, if it wasn't from Moses the first century followers couldn't agree. It was a difficult two days of unnecessary discussion leading to unwanted pain in my body. But I will say this. Tuesday morning, I prayed. I prayed that if understanding were not possible, to just let this end peacefully. I prayed that if there was something I was missing, that I be shown it. I prayed that if I was doing as God wanted, that he would give me peace. Before I finished my prayer, my legs were no longer in pain. I knew from the Holy Spirit that the sin was not on my head as the pharisee believed. I resigned myself to not respond. I knew that there would be no common ground, and that this was a ruse for him to throw his legalism onto me in the crusader fashion while I had committed no crime. I did, however, write out a long response by hand so that I could type it with clarity if necessary. I didn't use it. Instead, I handed my phone to my husband and gave him the option: respond as you or as me, use my pre-written or your own, I do not care. I will not play this game anymore. For a moment, I wondered if he would think that he won because I turned over my phone to Charlie. Then, I realized. I don't care. For as competitive as I am, I don't need to win. I know he didn't win. I know my Lord will win. Whether it is today, this week, or when he comes again, the victory is His alone, and I as His daughter will share in that victory. It's a shame that some what people will miss when they add their own agenda to it. Do you remember in school when you would have the assignment, "If you could have any super power, what would it be?" I remember having to do it a few times throughout different school years. I think teachers used it as a way to get to know the kids. Invisibility- sneaky kid. Flying- won't stand in a line and walk nicely. Strength- will destroy the classroom.
What they didn't tell you during your youth, is that you inherit super powers when you become a mother. I know. It's crazy true. Many of you are thinking, "Of course, your body carries the child and nourishes the child. It's a miracle." Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm talking about a completely new set of skills. The main skills are basically all heightened senses. You know they say when a person becomes blind, their sense of hearing is heightened. Honestly, that's pretty cool. But motherhood heightens them all. All the time. I have smelled dirty diapers that weren't from my children before their parents could. I can hear their whispers of troublesome behavior despite walls, doors, TV, and everything else. I can see messes that nobody else sees. I can find things that were missing, despite the fact that the items are in front of their faces. I can see crumbs on counters. I'm the only person in my home that can feel stickiness- floor, counter, wherever. I have super powers! It is said that a mother whose adrenaline is pumping can lift a car off of her children. I know that surge of energy. I can run faster than ever when my child is injured. Oh yes. I have super powers. There is only one problem with these super powers. I don't want them. I want to live in ignorance to messes the way my family does. I want to be able to place a dish on the counter and not see the countless crumbs that I did not make. I want to ignore the nasty smell of boys and sweat, but nobody can do that! If I got to choose my super power, it would not be these. I might choose flying or invisibility. I might choose laser vision. I don't know. But I have been given these gifts to use. As Uncle Ben (Peter Parker's uncle) told us all, "With great power comes great responsibility." If I ignore my super powers for a blissful day, I would not be using them to their fullest. Which means, I would not be the best mother for my children. Supermoms, unite! |
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May 2023
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