Through the last few weeks I have had this continual high. I keep surprising people. My followers (all two of you, thanks Mom) know that I have spent my entire life as a jock. It's in me to be an athlete. I can't live without athletics. I love running just for the head game that comes with it. It's a solo fight. Can I go faster? Can I go farther? Can I do some ridiculous run just for kicks?! Heck yeah!
But lately I found myself floundering in who I am. I feel like I was momming well. I thought I was being a decent wife. I was reaching author status with readings and signings and selling my works. I've been training others and myself. I was little by little getting myself back into crafting. Knitting soothes my soul. Beading fuels my brain. The balance was just off. I find myself writing less. My brain creates these scenes for yet another novel. I try to get it down in time, but I usually miss the moment. That's when it hits me. Outside of this beautiful site and blog, I haven't been writing. I haven't lost myself in that precious space of fictional writing. How interesting isn't it? With everything going on, how can I be lacking? Then it hit me. It's the thrill I love. As I was beginning my upward approach to being me, I found that I love being a surprise to someone. Even as a jock, I had someone ask me during soccer practice, "So are you just one of those crazy athletes that can play anything?" I still laugh at this. I am not a soccer player, but I play hard and pretend like I can. It felt so good to surprise that person. It feels so great when people find out I can create things from nothing; when they look at the athlete and see and artist. People see I've written from Facebook. Then they see my book and the jaw drops. It's a real life book. When people know me as that person who owned the shop find out I'm a personal trainer, they stop, look at my arms, then say, "I can see that." I can't always hide it. But it still feels good to show people the other side of you. Recently, I began going to the women's Sunday School class at my local church body. I always struggle with structured classes. That's a whole different topic. However, I always feel inadequate to speak. Since I published my newest book and knew that God has been pressing me to speak up, I feel I need to sometimes. Though I was hesitant, God continued to speak through me. I saw the looks on people's faces at times. I surprised them. It was as if they never imagined I could know God or the Bible. Ok, maybe not that far. But it was fun to get a surprised look. I felt the power of the Holy Spirit within me. It rejuvenated me again. God used me to surprise someone. In the world of social media, I sometimes feel like there are no secrets anymore. People post their lives on Facebook in vivid details. I know posts based off of children's faces that I have never met before. Line up pictures of 6 people's children and I will tell you who they belong to. I know about people's businesses, eating habits, and extracurricular activities. So knowing that I can still surprise some people? Oh it's a good feeling. I wasn't insulted when I surprised classmates on a Sunday morning. It was kind of fun. It was more than just kind of. It was fun. It is fun. It is fun to amaze others. So try it. How will you amaze me?
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May 2023
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