Parenting is so hard sometimes. The entire process of parenting is based on the idea of knowing when, where, and how to draw boundary lines for the little ones in your charge. For the most part, we draw on the experiences of our youth and upbringing to decide how we want to do things for our children. We look at what we thought was good, bad, encouraging, or reckless and form our decisions. Sometimes we're right and sometimes we're wrong. It's all trial and error.
One thing I see is that many people don't let their children fail. I know I've talked about this before. But recently, I have seen it play out a little more. I guess it's being in the dance world where everyone gets something. Everyone is given an award for their scores, no matter the score. Then they have overall winners. There often seems to be no rhyme or reason for who is at the top and who is not. Some competitions like acro, some don't. Some want to see little girls look like strippers. Some care about flashiness. There are times when a child could score their worst and be the best in the bunch and then score their best and lose. Subjectivity is B. It's what happens after that I find myself watching. I know the girls on the team and can read their emotions. I can see the parents and how they respond. I can usually figure that out. But I like to look at the other teams, too. I like to see if they are good sports win or lose. I like to watch if parents are mad their baby didn't do well. It intrigues me. At the end of the day, I like to see who the kids are as humans. Because in just a few short years, they'll be managers, staff, teachers, leaders, and so much more. I want to know if anyone is raising their kid to take it on the chin and keep going. My daughter recently didn't do well according to the judges' scores. The judges' remarks were opposite. They adored her. But the scores kept her from placing. When she received her medal for scoring, she didn't care. She told me to trash it. She didn't want it because it wasn't of value to her. But she didn't quit. She didn't stop dancing. In fact, that was her best solo all year. She was stunning and graceful, poised and relaxed. I was in mama heaven! But to her, it wasn't worth it. She wanted to do better. And I'm okay with that. I'm okay with her wanting to do better than the last time. I'm okay with her wanting to win. Don't we all want our children to pursue greatness? At the same competition I witness a group of girls taking pictures. They were all getting in and smiling except for one. The mother tried to get her in the photo. She cajoled. She encouraged. She came close to demanding. She gently pushed her toward the group while her daughter placed all her weight against the mother saying no. And so her mother moved. The girl fell. And if I'm honest, I had to stifle my laugh. I was so happy to see the mother do that. She let her fail. She said she would no longer support her unhappy ways. And I was thrilled. Don't get me wrong, I understand. Kids aren't show ponies to be in our social media agendas. But when your group of friends wants you to join for one picture, is it that hard? Go. Smile. Then walk away and be grumpy. Everyone wins. The situation above was a fine line between not forcing a child to do something they don't want (hello to a world of abuse) and obedience to parents. This situation showed the girl's personality in that moment. And to be fair, a prayer goes up for next few years of teenage angst to come. But also, it showed the mom. It showed she was willing to let her daughter physically fall to prove the point that her attitude was being seen by all. That's hard. It's hard to admit when your child is acting out. We seem so quick to make excuses for them - she's tired, she's hungry, he had a bad day at school, his friend was mean to him. But when they get older, they won't have parents to make excuses. And often, they'll make the excuses themselves. And what we are left with is a group of people that does not understand how to take responsibility for their actions. Come on parents. Step up. It's for the good of us all.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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