We can all sing the words, maybe even picture the video.
"My loneliness is killing me..." Ah yes. The continual loneliness plea. I have often battled with the loneliness as many do. The oxymoron comes in that I would enjoy being alone. Greatly. Even before having kids and homeschooling them. In college I used to go to the movies alone. I loved it. Go when I want. Get the snacks I want. Sit where I want. Not feel bad about not talking. Ah. Being alone is lovely. So, why would I get lonely? Loneliness does not stem from being alone. Loneliness comes from being with people and yet, not feeling like you're actually with them. It's a lack of connection. If I'm alone and I feel lonely, I should find a person to be with, whether it is texting or calling or actually getting together. When you are with someone or many someones and feel alone, it can be truly difficult. There is no greater pain than wanting to connect and not being able to connect. So where does this disconnect come from? Oh man, I do not have the time to unpack all of that. I'll just stick with my personal loneliness. When I was in high school, I figured out that I would rather be alone than with people. I couldn't stand to be in a room of people because it was more than likely I was the odd man out. I could be social. I could schmooze. But I didn't want to. I wanted someone to see me and know that I was struggling. Nobody did. Or, if they did, they didn't know how to address it, so they avoided me. There were times that I wished they would have made an effort to notice and pretend like they could help me. Usually, I understood that they couldn't help me, and it wasn't their responsibility to do so, and I let it go. I was lonely in crowds, so I preferred to be alone. At least if I was lonely when I was alone, it was acceptable. Eventually, I learned to enjoy being alone. I enjoyed not having to put on a fake face for the sake of other people. I enjoyed being able to come and go as I pleased. I enjoyed watching whatever I felt like, or talking to whomever I chose to on my own terms. The only problem was this: We aren't created to be alone. We are creatures created to connect with people. We are made for relationships. This comes naturally for the extroverts. They can make friends with whomever they feel like. They just start talking and hope for the best. Those of us that would rather sit against the wall and read a book end up looking like the bad guys. We refuse to connect. Truth is, there is usually a reason why we refuse to connect. For many of us, we have been burned, and burned badly. The scars are so deep that we can't think about opening up again. For others, we just plain don't know how to connect. We haven't had real relationships. When given the opportunity, we usually think that we're doing what we're supposed to, but we're wrong. The extrovert is usually offended by this. It isn't personal. It's just how it is. Time and time again, we may try and fail. Eventually, people give up on us. We give up on ourselves. Recently, I posted something on Facebook. Overall, the response was good. Yet for some reason, my Aunt decided to respond in a completely inappropriate way. She took something good for me, and turned it into something negative in her world. I wanted to reply with, "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." I didn't. It wasn't a nasty comment. It was just... stupid. After reading it, I was about to show my husband to start my, "Seriously?" rant. Before I could, my brother texted me. When he made it clear in his terms of "What is wrong with her?" I felt better. It was the same reason I wanted to show my husband the comment. I wanted a connection. I wanted to know that my emotions and reactions were on par for the situation. And when I received that text, my heart floated up a notch or two. I wasn't alone. Not only did I receive validation, I didn't have to seek it out. I wasn't alone calling to they abyss. He came to me. He agreed with me, when I didn't need to ask. He won't read this, I don't believe he reads my blogs. However, I know that I can say this. My brother lives less than a half mile away from me. We walk to his house. Sometimes, even though we're so close, we don't see each other for weeks or months at a time. And you know, I feel it. I miss my connection with my brother. But all it took was a little text from him, and it was like we were back to childhood. I pray that you find connections. True, meaningful, lasting connections. I hope that your relationships will be built so strongly, that you know you have someone on your side for the big things and the small things. We are meant to connect. We are not designed for loneliness. If you are lonely, reach out to someone. Not everyone will be a good fit. Some people might not know how to respond to your loneliness. But we still must continue to try. Reach for connections. Reach out to one another. If you find someone that is lonely, stay near them. Hang with them. Let them talk. Let them sit in silence. Don't give up on them. They will be grateful.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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