I can be a really crabby person. I know, shocking. I just have these crazy expectations of where things go and how they are placed there. And frankly, some think that it is indeed certifiably crazy. I mean, the item went where it was supposed to, why does it have to go in a certain direction??
At the end of the day, when I'm going off my rocker because something is out of place, it is my own fault. I take responsibility for my mistakes. See, I got married. I birthed two children. I got a dog. And we all live in the same house. Huge mistake. I should have known these people and this dog couldn't possibly live up to the expectations of my wanted things put away and in a certain way. So why do I get so crazy about it? AHHHHHHH That, my friends, is the question. Am I really such a control freak that the step ladder must be put away the exact way every time. No, but yes. Explanation time. Our step ladder is next to the washing machine. If it faces one direction it leans on the wall. If it faces the other direction it leans on the washing machine. Who does five loads of laundry in a day? Me. Who whacks their elbow into the step ladder while doing laundry if it is set there? Me. Who has to take the step ladder out, turn it around, and put it back? Me. Grand scheme of life, not a huge deal. (Don't tell my elbow I said that.) What it is, is an unmet expectation that the people in my house would put things back in the way I ask so that I don't get hurt. Honestly, that's 98% of my getting upset when things aren't put away. It usually leads to my pain. The other 2% is the look of disorder that makes my anxiety rise, but I think I'm getting better at that part. When I'm yelling at my husband because his "giant-behind-sneakers-don't-belong-here-this-is-why-we-have-a-gosh-darn-shoe-rack-right-next-to-the-frickin-door" aren't put away, it isn't because it's a mess, but because I tripped on sneakers. I don't expect shoes to be sitting in front of my washing machine. But when it happens multiple times it is no longer an unmet expectation. It is a personal attack on me. You may think this is extreme, but follow me - you know my mind is filled with depression and hurt. I start with, "please put your shoes away." I follow up with, "can you please not put your shoes here, I trip over them, there's no room here." It escalates quickly after that, "move your frickin shoes!" while I throw them through the house or out the back door. I'm a fighter, what can I say. We live in a world of expectations that go unmet on a regular basis. People are self-absorbed. We are. We focus on what we want. We are in the here and now. At some point, we need to look to the people next to us and remember that they have expectations as well. So I guess I'll put the step ladder away without grumbling once or twice.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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