Ever have that day where nothing seems to go right? You know, you work, work, work, work, run around, help people, make sure everything is going off without a hitch. And then you sit down at the end of the day and feel like you accomplished nothing.
I had a day like this recently. (I have a lot more lately.) The kids were bathed and everyone was settling in for the night. I sat down in the recliner, took a deep breath, and remembered all the things on my to do list that did not get done. "Crap," I said. "What?" my husband replied. "I didn't get anything done. I didn't do anything." I sat with a scowl on my face debating what to do. I was tired. But according to my lifeline - my planner- I had more to do. And that's when I figured out my life. I do a lot in a day. However, much of it is "intangible." Some things in life can't be checked off a to do list. Playing at the playground with my daughter, playing catch with my son, going for a family walk, talking to people and building connections, sitting with my kids to read books or play games - these aren't to do list items. These are life items. They are the most exhausting and rewarding things that could be. That's really one of the hardest parts of my life. My kids know that I have to work. They see and talk to all the kids I tutor. They see and know all my training clients. The biggest problem isn't that I work, it's that I work with my kids. Most people leave home and got to work. After grueling hours they come home to play Mom and Dad. Not me. I have to be tutor and Mom at the same time. I need to be trainer and Mom at the same time. If my child needs me while I'm working, I must leave work for a moment to be Mom. That's hard for me. When I do something I want to be in 100%. It's hard to be 100% trainer when you have to wipe your daughter's butt after a poop. Sorry, but true. But it also hurts me, more, as a mother. I want my kids to know they come before work. And I believe they do, in fact, know that. Yet still, in my mind I know that I need to be on my game when I work so that I can continue my work and make enough money to buy groceries for those same kids. It's the tangible vs the intangible. Always. So I sit at the doctor's office with my grandmother. I don't have time to get writing done or update the site. But my sick and weakened grandmother smiles at my daughter. She beams as she tells the nurse taking her vitals, "That's my great-granddaughter." We make choices. We have to. Every day of your life, no matter where you are and what you do, you make a choice on how to balance your life. How much work needs to be done vs how much family time. Are you allowed to be interrupted while you work? Do you welcome interruption? We decide who and what is important in each moment. There are times it is easy, but other times it proves to be difficult. Like I said, the big issue I have continually is that I need to work to make money, BUT my work isn't always like everyone else's. As I mentioned, I work from home. I train and tutor from home. I write. Ugh. That's a whole different issue. Writing feels like an intangible. Until the book has been printed, you hold a copy, and sell some, all your work seems like it is just floating around you. It's a mist that you know is there, but you wonder if anyone else notices. But I digress, severely. Chores seem to be the same. You know you cleaned the bathrooms, swept and mopped the floors, but does anyone else? And how important are the chores? Yes, we need a clean house, but will we stop in the middle when our toddler asks us to watch a show with them? Where do we balance our "need to's" with our "want to's" in our life? And the big question: What goes into each category? We can't stop all our work to dote on our children. They need to learn how to sit alone. They need to learn to be patient. They need to learn that they are not the center of the universe. Because, let's be honest, if we don't work, we don't get paid. We don't get paid, we aren't helping those kids. But if all we do is work, then someone else raises them and who knows what will become of them. We have to decide each day, each season of life, what we want to accomplish. What is most important, the almighty dollar or your child's heart? Are the kitchen counters more important than reading a book to them? And on the other side- is their every wish and desire more important than you working to provide for your family? I think you guys can see where I stand in this. I believe you can see how I balance my life. I juggle the balls the best I can. But on nights where the day was busy, I sit down, exhausted from it all, feeling like I have done nothing, I'm thankful that I stopped juggling the balls and played catch with my kids.
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May 2023
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