Well, life is a constant kick in the pants, isn't it?
I had a nice little fluff piece for this week's blog. A point to be made, but cute and fun with the point. Then Texas. I felt the urge to write about what happened in Texas, what has happened in too many schools. And I realized I can't. I still have my babies. My husband came home from work. What could I say? So I want to address not just this situation, but many situations that leave me saying, "I can't talk about it." My faithful readers are often reminded of my struggles through anxiety and depression, with a goal of informing you. I have heard from some of you with thankful hearts that my writing has helped you better understand, and that makes me happy. So, for those of you that don't find it helpful, too bad. Here comes another one. As the tragedy unfolded about the shooting in Texas, I found myself repelling, retreating, disengaging from the world around me. Seems a little harsh, right? This is a time I should be holding my children and teaching them to do better and be better. But I just can't. For many of us with anxiety/depression, we live in emotions. Many of which are real emotions, true to the situation, and some that are ours to believe despite evidence against us. We're always on our guard. We assume that something we said two weeks ago in passing is now going to ruin the lives of our children. It's unreasonable. We are aware. We can't control. Hopefully, though we work through it to see the truth. Regardless, there are a lot of emotions, thoughts, and energy flowing through us at all times. It's a lot. So when these big ticket items - things that register deeply on normal people scales - come into play, many of us seek solitude. We don't wish to talk about it. We're struggling to wrap our minds around it. We aren't running away from the problem. We're processing it. We're taking things in. We're gauging our reactions. We're empathizing with families. We are struggling. If we engage with others on the topic, there's a good chance we won't come back up. We'll drown in our sorrow. We will be ready to talk. We will be able to discuss the issues at hand surrounding it all. But it will take us a little longer. Don't cast us aside. Don't bring your judgment. We know that how we deal is not what you consider normal. We don't force you to do things according to OUR normal. Let us be. We'll come back. But at this point, you have probably noticed the pattern. We "shut down" during these crucial times. But maybe, just maybe, our anxiety is keeping us from saying something we might regret later.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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