If I have learned anything in my battle with invisible illnesses, it is this - Every day I have a choice.
I don't have a choice of whether or not I will be in pain, or so fatigued I cannot keep my eyes open. My nervous system does that on its own and I have to live with it. But how I handle it, is my choice. My response is my choice. My actions are my choice. Seems simple enough, but I often have to remind myself. Recently, I have taken on the same mindset with my house. I like my house. It isn't my dream house. We've done a lot to it in the eleven years we've been here. It's my home. But it's also my office. It's also my gym. It's also my classroom. It serves as a dance floor. It acts as a factory. It is constantly in use. But all of these things mean that I have WAY too much stuff in my house. It's just a lot. All the time. Most people are used to smaller homes. No extra rooms. Laundry abounds. Cleaning supplies are close at hand. Practice gear is out. Work and school items have no home but yours. I understand this, but it gets to feeling overwhelming. I want to scream. I want a bigger house. I want fewer things. I want my kids to grow out of toys. I want to finish curriculum and get it out of the house. I see piles of things that could equal more space and a couple of bucks. Then there are all the messes. Food messes in the kitchen. Dog hair. Dirt on the floor. Dusty TVs. Piles of things that were once organized with the greatest care are now jumbled piles of who-knows-what! And the worst part of it all is that I'm usually not the culprit. If I make toast, I clean up the crumbs. So where did they come from? I put away my laundry and others'. I picked up the piece of paper that is on the floor. Honestly, it gets frustrating. Then it gets overwhelming. That's when I stop. I get overwhelmed by the constant fight that I give up cleaning it up. Well, as you know, that makes it worse. So I am changing my attitude. I have a choice. I can keep up the fight or give up. I have begun a new project this week. Once a day, I choose a project to clean up. It might be an area of the living room. It might be part of the laundry room. It isn't the whole room. This isn't a full blown overhaul. But it's a piece. I have my chores that are done daily. Same schedule every week: laundry Mondays and Thursdays, bathrooms on Tuesdays, mopping the living space floors on Wednesday. But now I choose something random. Today I cleaned the top of the dryer. Sounds weird, I know. But we end up using it as a catch all for random things - mail I didn't put away, laundry detergent, a bottle of Lysol, some screws that came from something, and a decoration that fell from the storage above that I don't feel like getting the step ladder out for. Man, it piles up fast. Since I began this initiative, I have cleaned a shelf in the laundry room, the dryer, the wall in the bathroom that for some reason is always dirty, and a corner in our dining room that just breeds stress. It isn't much, but it helps. If this is my home/office/classroom, then it is my responsibility to make it what I want and need it to be. It won't be perfect, but it's progress. Isn't that what our lives are all about?
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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