Dear Mikayla,
We never met. I never held you, or saw you in person. In fact, until all of Summit knew, I didn't know there was an issue inside you. However, I prayed for you. I prayed so much. I prayed in a way I had never prayed before. Even though we never met, I couldn't deal with the idea of losing you. It just wouldn't be fair. Unfortunately, God's answer to that was no. I was miserable. I was bitter and angry. I didn't understand how God could take you. I didn't believe that God would allow such a wonderful couple as your mom and dad to go through this. No, it wasn't fair. I gave up. I completely and utterly gave up on prayer. Why? Because it seemed that everything I prayed for so fervently was answered with a big fat no. And that just pissed me off. Then I began reading your mom's posts. Yes, she was/is hurting. Yes, there was pain and confusion. But there was always hope and faith. I had given up on prayer in my anger, but your mom was standing. I gotta say, I would not have been as strong as your mom. And one day, I heard God say, "You were bitter so she wouldn't be." I never asked your mom about it. Maybe she was more bitter than I ever knew, but it made me think of Galatians 6 that says we should bear each others burdens. Perhaps that is what I was allowed to do. Either way, I am very much drawn to your little life, and your parents. I cannot pretend to know what they go through every day. I just know that I am broken hearted for them continually. We know you are at peace, but sometimes it doesn't help. So as I'm drawn to you and your life story, I have been doing some crazy (for me) physical activities. I did a crossfit workout or WOD in your memory. It was kind of fun. I crushed the 5k, and that made me feel a little better about myself. Now, I have signed up for a half marathon. You know you must be special. For years I have said that I will never do anything longer than a 10k, and here we are. I ran 10.4 miles Monday morning to begin preparing myself for November. I kept thinking of you. I kept running for you. No, sweet child, I never met you. You don't know me. But please know, you are in my heart. And I will do whatever I can to run the best I can for your memory and your legacy. I know that you could and would have done great things if you were allowed to stay with us. Now your short month on earth will leave an impact all over the earth. We will not let your life be in vain. Thank you for your inspiration. Thank you for showing us all how to fight. You're forever in my heart, ~J
1 Comment
Nana
9/8/2017 05:56:25 am
❤️
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