I can still remember it vividly. I was a freshman at Charleston Southern University. I was heading to the cafe for some breakfast. I enjoyed breakfast on campus. Mostly because many of my peers didn't believe in such a meal, and certainly not as early as I did. So outside of athletes that had early morning workouts, it was usually pretty quiet. This particular morning I was headed toward the cafe at my typical pace, and noticed a big ole football player holding the door open and looking in my general direction. I did not know him and assumed he had someone he was waiting for behind me. After all, I was still a good fifty feet away. After I entered with a "Thanks," he followed me in. I couldn't believe it. This big lineman was a gentleman for a girl he didn't know. He waited far past "Hey, could you hold that door for me" time.
Why do I bring that up? Because it appears to me that gentlemen are dead!! I know, I know. Not your husband. He still opens your doors and blah blah blah. I'm not necessarily talking about the men that want our love and affection. This is the general man to woman that meet randomly and don't really meet, but pass by. What do I mean and why do you care? Good points. Let's begin. Today I had to enter the dreaded Verizon store to get my phone set up. (Yeah, I probably should have known how, but I'm not tech savvy. Cut me some slack.) The store opens at ten. I arrived about five minutes before that. The parking lot had a good deal of spaces still available, which is unusual. There were three open spaces between two trucks. I thought how perfect it was because I could park in the middle and still have and every other space going on. As I began to turn, I had to stop. A man had exited one of the trucks and thought he should walk through the remaining spaces, rather than near his truck and to the store. No, this was not the most direct route. And as I waited for him to move, he looked at me as if I was the trouble maker. How dare I park my vehicle legally in a parking spot!! I should be arrested for teaching my children how to walk in parking lots politely. But here it lies, this not so gentleman felt it his right to walk through the parking spaces, rather than walking to the sidewalk. Enter in entitlement. Just as I feel that I am entitled to park in the open space. Two entitlements means a clashing of interests. In my mind, the pedestrian should keep their eyes up for vehicles and not walk through the parking lot as if it is a field of daisies. Still, it was the look on his face that irked me. His look was that of frustration that I would make him change his path. Once the store was open, we filed in like a class from recess. Each kept their order so I was behind the entitled man. He let the two children and their father hold the door before he reached for it. I held the door more than he ever did. Leaving Verizon also left me confounded. There are two doors. Typical social workings suggest that we keep to the right. As I was leaving, a man approached the store. He saw me. I saw him. I moved to my right to use the door on that side, assuming that he would be opening the door on his right- which also happened to be closer to him. I pushed the door open and he waited for me to pass so he could have the door that I opened. It made me think. And my first thought was, "Screw you, feminists. You killed the gentlemen!" Okay, okay, that seems a little harsh, but I think a bit accurate. For so long women have had to fight for equality that men have said, "If she can do my job, she can open a door." And you know what, that is pretty accurate as well. If I can shingle a roof with my pops, scoop manure at a horse farm (never done it, never will, but could), sit in an office wearing a nice suit, write a novel, play an instrument, lift weights, then I can open my door. These random men don't owe me anything. And I don't owe them anything. There was a time when men were expected to do simple things like open doors. Whether it was demeaning or not really came down to the man and the woman. Did the men open doors because they thought the little woman couldn't figure it out or muscle it open? Possibly, but I think it was truly just for respect. Some men just couldn't help changing it. I opened the door for you, you open your legs for me. It was no longer a simple kindness gesture, but a way to get something in return. No, not every man. But for many, men took advantage of chivalry. The woman's view also has a part to play. And it took a handful of the jerk men to start bringing out a different view from women. "I don't need you to open the door for me." It was a mere part of what has been happening over time. Women want to lead corporations. If they can own and operate Fortune 500 companies, they can open a door - unless it's a limo, ya gotta stay classy. We burn our bras for the opportunity to open our own doors in public!! There are two problems that exist right now in all of this and I believe the answer can be just as confusing. For one, women have been given the position of lower class citizens of earth. Due to this injustice, women have been trying to gain the simplest of rights - voting, owning land, owning businesses, equal pay. In that fight to be equal to men in lifestyle, women have lost the idea that we are not the same as men. Bear with me on this one. The Bible can answer both of these by looking at the Old and New Testaments. First let's head into the Garden of Eden. God creates Eve from Adam's rib. So, Adam came first. That's when God said it wasn't good for him to be alone and makes Eve. Even is made to be his help-mate. They are partners. One does what the other can't. They work together. It's a team. God doesn't say, "Now remember Adam, you are far superior because you came first." Nor does he say, "Remember Eve, I made you because he couldn't do this on his own." No. Partners. Side by side. Now I know someone is going to say, "but Eve screwed it up because she ate the fruit." Yeah, and Adam was right there letting her. The New Testament then brings in some family affairs. Paul tells the church that the head of the household is the husband. He is to love his wife. She is to respect him in return. He is to lead, but she is still his partner. Too often the church has used this idea to make the woman less than the man. I won't get into the whole "women do not speak in the church deal" because that is too in depth for this. See, with the men over the women, it means the men are responsible. They are held accountable for their family. When the children are acting a fool in the grocery store we blame the mom because she's the one with them, but where is dad? Not just physically, but spiritually, emotionally, mentally. Does he discipline? Does he have expectations for when he is and is not present? Well, it will fall on him. Think about First Corinthians and the definition of love. If a man uses patience and kindness, does not envy or boast, is not being rude or arrogant; if he doesn't insist on his own way, is not irritable or resentful; if he does not rejoice in wrong doing, rejoices in truth, bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, and endures all things, don't you think his wife will respect him? The principles have been thrown aside. If men were loving in a partnership with women, women would be respectful in that same partnership. Apply this to general everyday relationships. The boss is a man. He is patient and kind. He isn't boasting about his conquest at the bar. He doesn't give the high five to the guy who is cheating on his wife. He doesn't resent having to slow a work day down if it means teaching someone to do things correctly. Imagine how respected he would be. Say the boss is a woman. She doesn't demean the men under her (no jokes). She doesn't belittle them or their manhood since she is the boss. She respects every man that walks in, from the intern to the accountant. Won't she be loved? Men and women are wired differently. That's why Paul has phrased it in a way of family dynamics. Men need respect. Women need love. That isn't to say that men don't need love and women don't need respect. However, it's percentages. Just like men and women both have testosterone and estrogen in varying percentages. They each need both hormones, but how much they need is different based upon who they were born as. We all need love and respect, but what makes our spirits full are different ratios based upon who we are. I have taken this piece a little off the beaten trail. I hope you put on your hiking boots and trailed alongside me. The end point of all I've ramble through is this: I am a woman. I can open my own doors. However, I respect the man that is kind enough to open and hold it open for me to walk through.
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