We all have heard it said not to air your dirty laundry. I think we all understand the concept. But, because it's me, I want to discuss the airing of laundry in that visual way that I prefer.
Picture if you will, Aunt Bessy hanging up Uncle Hank's drawers on the line in the 1930's or 1940's. Now, Aunt Bessy's sewing circle comes over and sees Uncle Hank's underroos and doesn't want to look, but by golly, what is that! There are some skid marks on those drawers! Aunt Bessy might have gone ahead and hung them up for the neighbors to see to embarrass him. Maybe he said something that she didn't like, or made a stupid mistake and this is her passive aggressive revenge. So what happens? The women folk see the skidmarks and think, "Either Hank has had some tummy troubles, or he can't make it to the outhouse in time." What else might they think? "Why can't Bessy clean well enough? And why would she let everyone know her business?" That's where we are these days. Why are you letting everyone know your business? Well, stay with me as we travel this road. It was always said not to air dirty laundry. It was a bit of that "If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything at all." However, it was geared for maintaining the sanctity of home, not just random people. As that became the norm, it almost seemed as if the families themselves didn't want to discuss what was happening, and people began to sweep it under the rug. Darn these chore analogies. Regardless, the matters were kept in the home. As times have moved on, people have found themselves both more socially available through technology, yet starving for community in the face to face. There is the understanding that we don't want to air our dirty laundry, so instead, we air the clean laundry. What do I mean? Thanks to social media, people found that they could share their world with friends and family near and far. As it grows, it has become a place where everyone shows their achievements, pictures of kids, new purchases. It's keeping up with the Jones'. Then one day, some whistle blower decided to say, "Look at what my life is really like!" The clean clothes came down, and skidmarks went up! Well, let's face it. The laundry used to be hung on our property. We would handle it as we needed to. Then one day, they created a field of clothing lines. Everyone goes out and hangs what they want. Some choose the clean sheets. Others choose the cozy pajamas. Some people put their kids tantrum stained onesies, while others choose the awards shirt their child received for being the best. The field of clothesline is nothing but mass confusion. We wonder who actually cleaned those sheets because we all know Cindy doesn't know where the washing machine is, let alone how to use it. We envy those that wear nothing but flannel that has been filtered through the mountain air while they enjoy the fire with their love. We question the mother who can't control their child or clean the stains. We are tired of Timmy's the best t-shirts. And so we move on. This ability to scroll through our "friends" lives and like, love, laugh, be saddened or enraged, even shocked, has made it easy to walk through the field and choose what we want to be a part of. Let's be honest, if Bessy's sewing group was coming over, she wouldn't have put Hank's stained undies on the line to be seen. She'd have them soaking somewhere. If she were hurt by something he said or did, she might talk about it while they were sewing and enjoying the community and communication. And, hopefully, it would be throwing Hank under the bus, but simply stating what happened, asking advice, or asking for prayer. Those women might share something with their husbands once they got home. Maybe some would gossip. For the most part they would simply be a friend to Bessy. Bessy wouldn't need to air her dirty laundry. When we lose that sense of community, someone to talk to and live life with, someone that understands, we lose sight of what laundry we're hanging on the line. I believe that some people air the dirty laundry on social media for the attention they'll get. I think some people air the clean for the same reason. We can't always know the motive. But I have also noticed that there are more and more people that are airing their laundry in other people's yards. It started in their lawn, then moved to the field, and now they take it to you. We've had those people that comment on a post and turn the entire thing in the wrong direction. Timmy may be the best, but Freddie is never even close. So Freddie's mom posts a picture. Timmy's mom can't be outdone and so she comments, "Oh yes, Timmy got that award last year." Not community, competition. Or someone that normally doesn't share the negative let's out a bit of pain and a "friend" tells them to suck or up, or even tells them that it isn't as bad as they have it. Our inability to come alongside people has turned us all into laundry hangers and keyboard activists. We have lost our ability to be a community. So what do we do about it? I honestly don't know. I struggle with this all the time. I want to show off the greatness of a kid, some accomplishment I'm proud of them for, and it looks like I'm trying to one up people. I'm not. I hope your kid is just as awesome! But is that what people read? Does it matter if they take it the wrong way? Sometimes I just vent for the sake of venting. That is always a no-no. I will inevitably get the buck up, keep pushing, and it will get better comments. I know that. But sometimes I just want to vent! Here's what I've been trying to do. If it is really awesome and I just can't stand it, sure I post. It isn't to poo-poo on someone but to woo-hoo the event. If I need to vent, I text a friend. I try to balance good and not so great. That's what my life is anyway. Let people see the good and the bad. And what about community? We need to find a way to speak to each other without hanging our laundry in other people's space. I find this more in face to face conversations than online, unfortunately. Perhaps it's just the loneliness of people that forces them to hang their business within our fences. So why not get out ahead of it. If you find someone so annoying because they are constantly oversharing, try approaching them first. Ask them about their day. Ask about work. Find something to have a common ground on, or just take one for the team and listen. I think that if they know they have a true friend, they might just ease up on the oversharing. They won't need to tell everyone everything if they know that someone has heard them. Let's try to rebuild our sewing circles and keep our laundry hanging in our own yards.
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May 2023
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