So I feel like I left the last blog on expectations with so much more to say. Probably because I have so much more to say. As I said before - The opposite of expectations are excuses. I think about that all the time. Do you know the number one time I make excuses? I'll tell you - when I am defending my child's behavior to my parents. Let's face it, I care little about what other people think of my children's behavior, but when it is my parent I care. Why? I've thought about this a little bit and this is what I think it is for me- I still want them to be proud of me, especially when it comes to how I raise my children. I want them to be proud of my children. **Side note, I know they are proud of me, my kids, and everything else even when I make some mistakes. So I sit and think about the excuse I want to give. "He's sick." "She didn't get a nap." "They're getting teeth in." Hey, am I allowed those excuses? My wisdom teeth (yes, I still have them) have been bugging me since I was pregnant with my son! Do I get to be cranky? My husband didn't take a nap today, so that's why he's so fussy at dinner. Someone decided that it's our job to make excuses for people instead of holding them accountable. It's bred generations of lazy, nasty, expectant people. Go ahead and drop your kids with me. They will say please and thank you. They will be respectful. They will choose the appropriate words. Those are my expectations. I'm not handing anyone anything just because they want it. We earn it here. Some of you are thinking, "I don't have kids. What do I care?" Well, this isn't just about having expectations of our own children (though let's face it, if you're a parent it needs to be). What about your dating life or marriage? Have you set expectations with them? Maybe we're just sitting back letting things get a little iffy because we don't need to address it until the poop hits the fan. So let's make an excuse for our loved one like "It's ok that she texts her ex-boyfriend, he was there for her during a big loss." And now? In the words that were modern months ago but are overplayed now, Bye Felicia! Oh, wait, she went back to her ex? I'm so shocked. What about work can we set expectations on? Are you supposed to carry the load while your partners sit back and play around on their phones? FYI - if you are the one screwing around while work needs to be done, you need to start setting expectations for yourself. Because if the people around have expectations, you'll be fired quickly. If you're a boss, or a coach, or someone in a position of leadership, set expectations. Require people to be on time. Will you make the excuse for the person under your leadership? "Oh, they had a bad day." "It wasn't her fault, her alarm didn't go off." If they aren't, set the consequence and follow through. Ah, follow through. That might be the worst part about setting, and holding to, expectations. I'm going back to family now. I expect my children to act right. Plain and simple. If they don't there are consequences. Sometimes those consequences hurt me more than them. Oh, sure, they might cry at the punishment, but I hate to be the one to do it. I have to, though. It's my responsibility. I figured it out while my son was a baby. The Bible teaches us that God disciplines those he loves. Therefore, if I love my children and I want to be godly, I too must discipline those I love. And they are better for it. When I make an excuse for why they were rude and didn't speak to the cashier when they said hello, I'm not doing them any favors. I'm teaching them it's ok to not respond when someone speaks to them. Not okay. The consequence may be a struggle for me to get the child to speak, but they are better for it. It is my responsibility to follow through, especially if I am following God. When I was pregnant with my daughter, people made comments about how my children wouldn't get along. They warned me of the fighting and arguing that would ensue. My response was, "No, they'll get along just fine." My husband and I set an expectation from the beginning. Our kids will get along. Our kids will love each other from the beginning of the relationship, not just when they're old and grown reminiscing. The picture I chose for this blog is a representation of the expectations in our home. At the aquarium, my husband pretending to throw my son into the shark's mouth. My son laughed and said, "Nooooo!" My daughter grabbed her brother and said, "No, Daddy! I'll protect you Caleb." Family expectations: we will spend time together, we will do fun things together, we will joke and laugh and play, we will protect each other- all those were wrapped up in that one scene of life. Why are people making excuses for each other? How do we think this helps them any? If you love someone, make expectations, not excuses. If your child is bratty, make them apologize. If your player is continually late, suspend them. If your spouse doesn't spend time with your children, turn the TV off and go do something. This country has become a world of entitled, give-it-to-me-now people and it isn't helping anything. Step up.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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