The other morning I was up and getting my dog ready for her walk. It's about 5am, dark, cold, and I'm tired. When I attempt to leash her up, I notice the doggy bag dispenser is not on the leash, despite the fact that I had previously asked for it to be done. Why did I ask for it to be done? Because I had tried myself to do it, and my fingers wouldn't let me. So instead of breaking the item or hurting myself, I asked for help.
The words that escaped my groggy lips were, "Asking for help is like pissing in the bed." Okay, that probably sounds a bit overdramatic and a smidge gross. But I'd like to unpack it, if I may. What happens if you wet the bed? It releases the pressure and you immediately feel better. After a few minutes though, I don't think you'd be pretty happy. It's messy, smelly, and whatever else. I don't need to paint a picture, you get it. Why would I create that analogy? Throughout my life I have continually heard people tell me that I need to ask for help. I have been told I'm stubborn. I've been told to put my pride aside and take the help. Trust me, I have asked for help. I've also noticed that I don't always receive help, or receive it in a loving manner. 1- Sometimes they agree to help, but the attitude is not willing. Sighs, "fine," and dramatic agreements follow. 2- Sometimes they "help," but they don't actually do what needs to be done, they do what they think is helping, not what I need. 3- They happily agree to help, but they never show up. Because these three reactions have happened, I find myself just doing the jobs myself. It's easier for me to be an imposition to myself, than someone else. It's easier for me to do what I need done, than hope for the person to be on board. It's easier to get a jump on the task instead of waiting for someone else to do it. As I was walking the dog, after putting the doggy bag holder on the leash handle, I was really quite stunned at my analogy of asking for help. I was honestly disheartened that I felt that way. And as we walked, I tried to analyze myself. Why do I feel so let down? Is it the amount of times that I've been let down? Maybe. I think it's more about the importance of the items. There are plenty of times when people ask for help and they don't get it, myself included. Is it the end of the world? No. But what happens with the big things? What happens when a depressed teen shares a cry for help and nobody comes to them? Sure, I've had plenty of doggy bag holder incidents. More than I can count. But we all do. It's the bigger times I've wanted help and was left to my own that I can truly feel why I said what I did. When someone is struggling with large emotional baggage and seeks refuge, there is a bit of a relief. We've done what everyone told us to do. We went to a parent. We went to a loved one. We went to a teacher. We told them our struggles. We asked for help. What was the response? Did the person not really want to help us? Did they try to just distract us from our problems instead of helping us work through? Did they say they would be there for us to talk to, and yet never show up? I know that's where my statement came from. I've asked for help. I put down my pride. I wasn't trying to do it all on my own. But I was let down. Trust breaks down in that scenario. It turns into a fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice... situation. And when you have those times, then add in our doggy bag times, it all adds up. We're left sitting in our mess worse off than when we didn't ask for help. If you've asked for help, I get it. I understand. If you've been asked for help, don't take it for granted.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
Categories |