In today's society every one has something wrong with them. I know, blanket statements are a terrible thing. But let's face it, there amount of ADHD and ADD diagnosis have skyrocketed. Anxiety and depression are common household terms. What's the reason? Well, we have more research and labels for things. I once had a client that would say that cancer has always been around, we just didn't call it that. She looked at how many people died "of natural causes" and knew that they all died from what we're dying from, they just didn't have the tools and research to create a name for each reason. I loved her after she said it. I have felt the same way. I know I can fall under the ADD umbrella, but that wasn't an option as a child. If my parents had me tested as a tween, I can't imagine what would have come of it.
I don't think it ends there. Now that there are more terms, research, awareness, etc., there are more people self diagnosing. Many times the self diagnosing leads to people going to a doctor to get the medication they need to move on. Other times people just say they know they have it and continue on with life. I have been in the latter group for many years. And though I know that I have battled depression and won (some battles come back), I never got the diagnosis from a doctor. Until recently that is. After extensive testing and questioning, my neurologist gave me the results of my neuro/psychological exam. I was told I have depressive disorder. I was told I have ADD tendencies. And with that I could choose self regulate, or opt for meds. You know me, I can handle it myself. Been doing so for decades, thank you very much. What does this have to do with anything? Well, recently I took a trip to Massachusetts. I drove up Friday and back Monday. Tuesday morning we reached South Carolina. I was constantly changing the radio stations to find something of interest. I had it on some channel, but wasn't paying attention. We stopped for gas and decided it was time to get back on the road. That's when things got bad. This good-ole-boy, country bumpkin, radio pastor said these words, "It is impossible to be depressed and grateful." I think Jesus had that timed perfectly because I was so angry with this man that I was wide awake after that. Honestly, it made me fume. This was thrown at me constantly from church people. If only I had more joy from the Lord, I wouldn't be so depressed. People don't understand depression. They throw it around willy nilly. There are times where people will go through a season of depression. But that is not clinical depression. Depression is not just being sad. Wah. People who have never experienced true depression need not speak about what is needed to get through depression. There. I said it. Southern preacher, I'm sorry you were real sad. But gratitude did not get me through depression. And yes, there were times in my continual-this-is-my-life depression that I was grateful. I was grateful that I had friends that looked in on me. I was grateful for sports that distracted me from all of it, or forced me to bed early so that I couldn't stay up until 3am watching movies that wrecked me more. I was grateful all the time. But gratefulness did not keep me from depression. In fact, the voices in my head made it worse. It was the voice telling me that I was letting those people down. It was a voice reminding me that I wouldn't always have sports to distract me. I was told again and again that I was a failure because I knew what to be grateful for, I knew all the people who loved me, I knew all of the blessings I had, and I was blowing it. I still couldn't get out of my own head. The voices beat me down over and over. Unless you are someone that has experienced the oppression of depression, I'm sorry, but you won't understand. You can gather information. You can watch it in others. Things can be pieced together, but it is something that comes at you when you don't expected and often don't understand it. Today people like to believe that they have everything under the sun wrong with them. WebMD is everyone's best friend. I myself have done the searches and wandered amongst them. I accepted the diagnosis of fibromyalgia just out of thankfulness for an answer. At least now I wasn't crazy about the lightning strikes in my legs. I accepted their diagnosis of depressive disorder because it did acknowledge the presence of depression in my life without saying that I was still going through it. (I love to win.) I was grateful for the mention of ADD and even laughed. Anyone who has been with me for 24 hours can see that with ease. It was relief to know that someone agreed with my crazy. That is actually what helped me overcome. It wasn't knowing. It wasn't joy, gratefulness, or any other Christ like quality. When I knew that others believed I was depressed, and stopped telling me to have more joy, I didn't feel like I was faking it. I knew that so many would say they were depressed, but I also knew it was only a season for them. I knew mine went deeper. Right now, we need to know what we are to accept. I hear all the time about anxiety. Is this a continual anxiety or is it situational? Are you depressed in a season, or do we need the battle axes? Are you distracted because of the stress of life, or is your brain wired a little differently? So many people claim these downfalls as an excuse. I never did. I claimed them to overcome them. I labeled them to know how to fight them. Yeah, we all have problems. I won't argue that. The issue is the root and the solution. And if you aren't a part of the solution, if you bring nothing to the table, maybe you're part of the problem.
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May 2023
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