Yes, I am aware that I have posted on this topic before. And guess what- this probably won't be the last time. Why? Because it will never go away. So, here's another post on the topic of entitlement.
Recently I was speaking to a person that is completed enveloped in their own entitlement. This isn't a topic I have kept from them. In fact, in recent months, I actually explained to them that by every definition and psychological analysis that they display classic narcissism. With that comes the air of entitlement. Hey, if they want to know why I distance myself, I'm happy to explain. However, this past week, the person texted me saying they were going to drop something off for my husband's birthday and that they "needed me to order something off of Amazon" for them. Surface level you might think, "So what?" But there are years of underlying issues that go with this person and so I decided to analyze as I do. They came over the next day. At some point it was phrased as something like, so I need to get _______ from Amazon. Word choices are very important. Let's face it, they don't NEED me to do it, they would like me to. Ordering off a website is not a need. They could do it themselves, but they refuse to learn how. If they NEEDED the order to go through, than shouldn't it be important enough to learn to do themselves? For the less entitled person, yes. But this goes deeper. My response was a half joking, passive aggressive, "I don't know, did you ask me nicely?" Why did I respond that way? Well, I've already addressed that she doesn't speak properly to me or others, so pointing it out again won't help. Also, I truly believed that they should ask me to do that, because that's common curtesy. When I asked that, I did receive a "Will you please look this up for me?" Why is that so hard? There are multiple reasons. I'll give two. The first is that the entitled person believes that we are there to help them when they can't do something because we have breath in our lungs. Why wouldn't we help them? It's a simple task, right? The second is that it requires vulnerability. When a person says, "I need you to ..." it's because they cannot or will not do it. When it is a cannot, there is usually a frustration and vulnerability. I say this to my husband after I have tried and failed or am too exhausted or flustered to accomplish the task. "I need you to do this. I can't!" But the will not does not have to be as vulnerable. Why can't you? You didn't learn. Why didn't you learn? You tried once, it was hard, so you gave up. Someone else can do it for you. Entitled. Invulnerable. The task is beneath them to take the time and effort to learn. After receiving my please, I did in fact help to order the item desired because it really isn't such a difficult task. Yet, she still wanted to control me/the situation while doing the task she is unwilling to learn. "Type this" in the search. "Try that one." No. I have it. My phone. My app. I'll do it. I made sure to present myself in a way that says, "I'm doing you a favor, you are not allowed to boss me around while I do it. If you don't like how I do it, go do it yourself." In the end all things worked out. So why bring this up? The story didn't end there. We were chatting afterwards about some things and she said, "Apparently I can't say annnything right these days." Did you hear it in your head? If you read it with a voice, please make it dramatic. Because in her mind, she's the victim. It's not that she can't say anything right, it's that people don't accept what she says or how she says it. Though it is coming from multiple sources, her words are not at fault. Even if she accepts that what she says was wrong, or the intonation was incorrect, or whatever was received was received poorly, it really isn't her fault in her mind, it's their reaction that is wrong. And their reaction has hurt her feelings. Therefore, she is the victim. How dare people not take what she says happily! This is typical of the narcissist. It's typical vernacular of the entitled. My children were around and heard all of it, and have grown up hearing this kind of speech. So I used it to make a point with my children. When people first meet me, especially in a group setting, they believe me to be a quiet person. If just one person in the group truly knows me, they'll let my secret out. Jewel? She is NOT quiet! So why would people believe that? Growing up, I learned that people didn't always care for my sarcasm and witty banter, aka my natural setting. So to keep from offending someone or hurting their feelings, I realized it was better to not say something than to spout out my jokes. It didn't have to be humor either. Sometimes it was wisdom, advice, knowledge. Just because I can help, doesn't mean I should. So I wait until someone honestly wants to hear what I have to say. I learned to put others' needs above my wants. That's pretty much how people should act if we're acting in love, but it doesn't always happen. It goes against our nature. I explained all of this to my children in hopes that they would see the lesson: If multiple people are continually hurt by your words, it's probably you, not them. This world teaches us to be entitled. You deserve it! Unless it's direct cause and effect, we do not deserve whatever it is we think do. And even then, unless it is a punishment it's hard to justify some of these things that we believe we deserve. I get it. We all have a level of entitlement. It's in our nature. Don't talk to me about parking outside my home. Don't get me started about my schedule and busy days. I can be a pretty entitled snot some times. The difference I see in people is when they take ownership of it, and make changes in it. Those that use our nature as an excuse are no better than dogs. Be a human. Learn where you're acting entitled. Then work to grow out of it. Take responsibility. Own mistakes. Choose better.
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