Did you know that I have a voice? I'm not sure that I knew I had one, but lately I've been trying to find it.
The moment you become pregnant, know it, and share that news with others, you give up yourself. Typically, this isn't such a terrible thing. As mothers, we don't mind giving ourselves to the growth of our children. We know it will happen. This is nothing new. But then it happens. You start hearing people say things like, "You're eating for two now!" or even, "You're exercising for two now!" Sometimes people will get into each one of your habits from food and fitness to reading materials, TV choices, and your job. Nothing is out of bounds for some people. And soon you are hearing so many people's opinions about your unborn child that you forget what your own voice sounds like. Next comes the actual child birth. Where you go, what you do, and what's important to every one else. Bottle fed or breast? Black and white or vibrant colors? Co-sleep, cradle, crib? Cry it out or snuggle. The voices and "experts" come out of everywhere. It never seems to cease. You will say, "no" and grandparents will say, "of course." You will say, "yes" and others will say, "how could you?!" There will never be a win. Ever. And as time goes on voices get muddled and jumbled together. Opinions change. Testing proves something new. What on earth could you offer? Recently I had a situation where I had given the directive of what I needed of my son. Someone else decided that what I needed of him, was not what worked for their schedule. Other people like to use their voices in questions. "Couldn't he stay longer?" "Can't he just ....?" "Oh, but we haven't ... Can he just stay until after that?" When others question what you have said, it is done to make you second guess the idea you already had. The one that said, this is what I need and what I believe is right. The moment you balk at your original decision is the moment that they feel they will always be able to sway you. Dangerous. This is where having your voice heard is imperative. You have to weigh it out. If you believe that the other person has a good point, you can say so as long as you know that they will continue to give you their voice. Sometimes I have put my foot down simply on principal. If it is someone that has been manipulative in the past I will stand by my original statement because it is becoming a habit that they don't value my voice. I hate those moments. I hate standing up to people and using my voice just because I have given inches and they have taken miles. What a terrible feeling. But it must be done. Lately, I feel like the only voice I have is yelling. Someone once told me that they don't listen to what you say when you are yelling, they only hear anger. I laughed at them. I still do. I look at my children and ask them to do something. They don't do it. I ask again. Nothing. I tell them to do it. Not done. I yell for it to be done and gee willikers, Batman! I have it done. I find myself yelling at them to get things done continually. They "heard" it the first time, but "forgot" it. Do you know how much that burns me? What I then gather in my brain is that my children don't hear my voice and I don't have one, unless it's screaming like a crazy lady. That's frustrating. I will find myself speaking to someone and someone, usually my child(ren), will begin talking to the same person I am talking to as if I am not even in the room. Choices need to be made. Voices need to be heard. Look, I have some hard headed people in my life. I'm Swedish, we're a stubborn people. There are people that won't listen to another person because they believe that what they know is what is needed to be known. We've all been around teenagers that think they know everything. If nobody ever truly puts them in their place, they will always think they are right. Then we have adults that wish to gain neither knowledge nor wisdom. There must be a balance of hearing and listening, and not caving. There is a time to make your voice heard, and a time to be quiet and listen. Finding those moments of balance are difficult. Believe it or not, I have a voice. I have a functioning brain. I have good ideas. I have knowledge and wisdom. I have good opinions and bad ones. Right now I'm just happy letting people know that my voice works. And like it or not, I don't always have to scream to be heard. You, too, have a voice. You will speak things that are wonderful and things that are not. You will yell and you will whisper. You will need to decide when to make your voice heard and by what means. So take a deep breath and decide what it is you want and need to say.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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