If you have at all followed the last two posts you may or may not have noticed a slight theme. Honestly, I didn't realize the theme until I was preparing last weeks. I couldn't help but notice how nicely everything tied in together. What's the theme? Well, tomorrow marks one of my least favorite days of the year. Valentine's Day. Yuck.
I don't necessarily understand the point. It's the same way I feel about Mother's Day. Why should one day of the year be the day you decide you like me? Let's behave for Mom, it's Mother's Day. Let's show someone we love them, it's Valentine's Day. Why aren't these year round things? Oh well, I digress. The last two weeks I have discussed some topics that seem like simple ramblings of a stay-at-home-work-from-home-mom. The truth is, they are acts of love. Gary Chapman is well known for his book of love languages. In this book, you discover what love language you want to be spoken in as he breaks them down into five simple concepts. The five love languages are words of affirmation, acts of service, receiving gifts, quality time, and physical touch. Many years ago I read the book and found my order of languages. But as it happens, times change. People change. Circumstances change us. I remember that at the time of reading the book I was all about acts of service. Why? Well, I was working outside of the home. For a minimum of 10.5 hours a day I was not at home. When I got home, the last thing I wanted to do was clean the house and do the laundry. I wanted to relax. I wanted to enjoy my home. So anything that could be done to help me, I was all about. I also enjoyed receiving gifts. However, as our financial situation changed with the addition of our son, medical bills, and the saying so-long to my job, I found gifts to be a waste of what little money we had. So where am I now? Two weeks ago I brought up the concept of who we give our best to in our lives. Last week I discussed putting my life in order of importance. So it seems that my love languages might just be changing. But are they really? I take a great deal of pride in being able to get things done. However, when something has to be done that I don't want to do- Oh please do it for me. Sometimes it is simple. I forgot something at the store. I need to get an oil change. I'm too sore to make the kids beds. Sometimes it's a little more difficult - help with the kids, writing lesson plans, take someone to their appointment that might last too long. There's a problem in this. You never know which me you'll get. I mean that! I don't know which me you'll get. Sometimes when someone helps me I think, "Thanks! Now I have time to...." Other times I think, "So what? You think I can't do that on my own?" There's no rhyme or reason. Or is there? When you search through your love languages, you start to wonder which one you are. Often you learn what you want to receive, by seeing what you do. I love wrapping up my daughter and telling her how beautiful she is. I think I do this not just because she's stunning, but because I want to hear it. I tell my son how smart he is or helpful he has been because I want to hear that, too. I cook and clean and do laundry to serve my family, but by golly it's nice when they help. I love buying little things for people, and I love getting little things as well. Sometimes I just want to cancel school so my kids and I can relax together. Quality time anyone? And let's just face it. My daughter loves to snuggle and I take every second. My son loves to hug me, and I hold him to me, though he's getting too large. Throughout my day I can find each and every love language coming from me and to me. I guess I'm becoming more and more complicated. On Monday I may be craving physical touch. On Tuesday I just might need act of service. Wednesday would be a good day to tell me how smart and pretty I am. And next week, that all could change. I think deep down we know that we need to be spoken to in all five languages. I've seen people that are 100% physical touch people. That is where they are comfortable. Physical touch can only happen if you're together. And though they may be spending time together, and are receiving physical touch, is it quality time? They go hand in hand. But even as you hold someone's hand, isn't it nice to be told words of affirmation, letting you know that they are happy to be with you? Have you ever been sitting with someone when you feel down and they keep talking about all the wonderful parts of their life? At one point do you think, "Can they see me? Do they just not care that I'm unhappy? Are they avoiding it?" That leads to more questions about the relationship. I have sat across the table from friends and they can tell that I'm not chipper so they drive the conversation. Let's face it, they don't want a Debbie Downer in their life! That's when I put them in the "they like to take" section of friends. Because at some point, they notice. Isn't that all we want? We want to be seen. If we're seen, we can be known. If we're known, there is no question of quality time or words of affirmation or gifts to be given. When someone looks at you, and sees you, they know how to speak to you. They know when to tell you that you you're pretty or buy you something pretty. They know when a hug is needed or when it is not the right time. Love isn't about hearts, chocolates, and $4.99 greeting cards. Love is about knowing. And that's all forms of love - significant others, parent/child, friends. Love is giving not just your best, but speaking your best in the language someone needs. Love is prioritizing. There is balance in love. I encourage you all to seek the way you love, and learn the way you hope to be loved.
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May 2023
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