There are probably two or three people that read the title of this and thought, "I know what this is all about." And you know what? They're right. But I might take it a little deeper today.
We know I'm a few screws loose. We know I have issues. But, do we ever stop and look at people with issues (known or unknown) and think a little deeper? I have fought depression my entire life. (Known.) I have deep rooted self loathing. (Known, thought of as over-dramatic and therefore, I usually keep to myself, but intuitive people recognize it.) I have friends. I have close friends that know secrets and more distant friends that just have fun chats with. However, my deeper friendships are usually more one-on-one. So my deep friendships usually don't cross paths. I don't know why. It just happens that way. I've always struggled in groups. I usually keep to myself. I might buddy up with one or two, but usually it's just me riding solo until someone approaches me. The problem usually comes into the group when I become comfortable with more than one person. I begin to let my guard down. I relax into my natural self - which in case you don't know, is sarcastic, but in a fun jokey way. Not everyone sees it that way. A lot of people don't understand my jokes and assume I'm being nasty or rude. I don't try to be. I grew up in a family that jokes around non-stop. It's my love language. So what results from this? I've learned that people don't care for my love language of jokes. Instead of forcing them to accept me the way I am, I just stuff myself down and put on the fake Jewel. I'd rather be non-offensive to all than to be me for some. You might look at this and say, "Good for you. You're reading the room and acting accordingly. More people should be considerate of others." I agree. But there's more to it with me. I'm told that the actual me is abrasive, snarky, rude, offensive, and unenjoyable. Think about that. How many people try to tell me that the lies I hear in my head are just that - lies. I'm not a huge failure. I'm not a terrible person. I'm great. And yet, I'm celebrated when I stuff my true self down to be the person others want me to be. Society agrees with the voices of my head - I'm just not good enough. Look, I'm not saying we should allow people to be senseless jerks to one another. I think we have plenty of those already. But could we stop for a moment and think about the person that we are about to reprimand? Can we think for a moment about why this person is the way they are? I think we could use some more understanding.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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