Every since childhood I have associated songs with different events in life. I know I'm not the only one, but truly music resounds within me. My soul longs for good music on a daily basis. I can tell when I haven't been singing and dancing to the music I need.
It also seems that for a time, there are songs that fit with what I need. I know that many might think that it was the music that moved me from one state of being to another. Some would argue that the music of my depression is what brought me to depression. I argue it's what brings me out. Regardless, here we are once again in a time where a song is really speaking to my life. From the get go I know that there will be backlash from people. Because of my faith, I should be listening to nothing but the "Christian" stations. Well, that's not happening. There are only so many times you can hear the same six songs before you're tired of them. Unfortunately that means that they lose meaning in my life. Christian radio stations have a way of killing spirit led music. There is such a thing as overplayed. We understand that songs can be too repetitive so just indulge me. A few weeks ago I heard a song by Panic! At the Disco called, "High Hopes." In typical Jewel form I heard it and thought it sounded interesting, but didn't really care. Then one day I was driving home from the Winter Farmer's Market when the song came on. I listened a bit more intently to the words. (Maybe I heard them because the kids weren't in the car with me for once.) One line really spoke to me. Here's the chorus. Had to have high, high hopes for a living Shooting for the stars when I couldn't make a killing Didn't have a dime, but I always had a vision Always had high, high hopes Had to have high, high hopes for a living Didn't know how, but I always had a feeling I was gonna be that one in a million Always had high, high hopes One line popped out - Didn't have a dime, but I always had a vision. It isn't just because I've been broke for the majority of my adult years that this line speaks to me. It's the combination of it all. True, I have big aspirations. True, many require more money than we have to invest. But what's more true, is the vision. You don't need money when you have a vision. What's more - you don't need money when you have a God given vision. When God writes it on your heart and you can see the path or maybe a ledge or the final stage, you have to take it and go with it. As my writing career grows, so does my vision. It's becoming trickier and trickier. I had hoped to have a novel published by now. That is now a small blip on the radar. Children's books are becoming an area that I enjoy more and more. (Shh! Don't tell people. I don't want my kid hating reputation to be ruined. Let's face it, kids are still terrible, but I now blame the parents more and more, not the kids.) And now I have books that are inspired of God that I never even thought of. Naturally. If I had thought of them, it wouldn't have been of God. So here I am over and over replaying "High Hopes." It's fine with Caleb, but AJ is starting to get over it. I just can't. Not right now. Right now, in this time of my life and stage of my career, I need to hear these words over and over. I don't need money - wellllll - I know God will provide what is necessary. I need to maintain the vision. What is the end result? What is the next ledge to climb to? I don't believe I'll be the one in the million like he sings about. I just know that I have a purpose. I have a God given vision. I have to hold on to the hope that he will get me to the next ledge if I follow in the footsteps he's giving me. And I know for the rest of my life, I will hear "High Hopes" and get to work.
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May 2023
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