Sunday evening my family went to watch a local dance performance. It was the end of the year LYDA show. LYDA stands for Lowcountry Youth Dance Association. If you want the best ballet in the area, it's a good place to look. Auditions are held in the spring. Students begin in the fall. Outside of a fee here and there, it is tuition free. Can I get an amen? It is also a part of the South Carolina Governor's School for the Arts and Humanities. In fact, the president was in attendance and made it a point to walk around and speak with parents out and about. I had run off to the restroom and when I came back, I found him chatting with my husband. My first question was, "Oh, are we brown-nosing already?" (I thought it was funny.) My son is hoping to head off to the school in the near future and I will take the time to chat with the people that I need to chat with. But that's as far as I go.
Sure, I'll make a joke about brown-nosing because I'm awkward. I will happily tell them about my child wanting to attend the school. Then, I'm done. I'm not reaching out for a follow-up. I'm not dropping notes or gift-cards. I don't believe that any person we met will remember my child after that point. Why? I want my kids to make it on their own accord. I have seen parents that go to teachers to get their kids into higher level classes, dance numbers, and whatever else. They buddy up with teachers. They basically turn things into a bribe. "Remember my child!" is the only thing that comes out of their actions. And at the end of the day, I just don't understand it. When my kids come home from college, I don't want them to tell me all the great things that happened and for me to say, "It's a good thing I emailed your professor." Most parents don't. They want their children to be successful. The problem is that they don't allow their children to fail. When failure approaches, they find a way to fix the issue. Always a winner. The kids that fail are the kids that grow and learn to endure. The kids that never experience failure are the ones that turn into adults that don't know how to cope with it. I don't know about you, but I don't have a basement for my kids to come live in when their thirty. I pray continually that my kids will make it. Whether its teams, schoolwork, or anything else, I want my kids to make the cut. But I refuse for them to make the cut because of me. I have actually apologized to my children. I told them that in the next few years there is a very good chance that they will miss out on things. And when they can't understand why someone not as talented or smart or whatever got a spot that they didn't, we'll know that in today's world, it's probably because I didn't suck up to whomever was in charge. Ya know what? I'm okay with it. They may miss out on things over the next few years, but by college, they'll be on the path to rule the world. All because I let them climb the path on their own. You can call me mean, but it is what it is. Time for parents to be real.
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May 2023
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