Recently I wrote a blog post that didn't post. I worked and crafted to say everything I needed to say. It ran within the column of my battle with depression, and gave a little background of a middle school experience. I worked hard. I needed those words to come out.
I pressed "Post." It gave the ever-beloved circle of wait that computers have taught us to hate. I was patient. I moved to the dining room hoping for better wifi activity. I waited. It never posted. I was angry. My goodness I was angry. I worked so hard for nothing. I couldn't cross it off of my to do list because it wasn't done. Argh! Naturally I wondered why it didn't post. I came to the conclusion that what I had written was so good, so powerful, so moving, that the devil didn't want that piece to make it out into the open. Buuuuuttt... Maybe it wasn't that. It took me a while to get what I wanted to say out. It took me a while to feel like things were right. There was a lot of rewriting. Twerking in the non-Miley way. Normally, I don't feel that heaviness and struggle when I write. Perhaps it wasn't the devil trying to stop me. So I did nothing. I let myself mellow out and refocused for the "Friday Blog" I do. Days passed and I was okay with the fact that it had vanished from the screen, never to be read again. Then the other day I was tutoring, and in the background was reruns of How I Met Your Mother. Robin cheated on her boyfriend. She wanted to come clean. He stopped her with these words - "Just because something needs to be said, doesn't mean it needs to be heard." Maybe the post I wrote wasn't for anyone but for me. I didn't have to get into my personal details to return to the point that God wasn't done with me then, nor is He done with me now. I needed to relive that story. To tell it one more time. I needed to hear the ending of the story again - God has work for me to do. Nobody got to read the story, but you can read the ending. A huge part of my battle with depression has been won by the fact that God has work for me to do. So I need to do it. There's work for you to do as well. I hope that you will do it also.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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