Happy New Year. I hope this finds you well.
Yes, I deviated from my Thursday post to wait for Friday morning. I had to make sure you didn't read this until 2021. If I'm not mistaken, I've written this idea more than once. But, as with myself, it evolves and grows each year. So give a read. Maybe this time you'll hate it more. I hate New Year's resolutions. Despise. Cannot hate more than I do in this time. And I have at least since the 5th grade. People think I'm nuts for saying that, but it's true. And a liar, I am not. What's the point of the resolution? To better ourselves. How long do they last? According to the studies, most resolutions are given up on by the end of February. Wow. Good job, everyone. Then what happens? The eventual feeling of failure. Couldn't even keep it up for half a year. We suck! Then December comes back around and we are back to excited. This is our year! We'll do better! Nope. It's a terrible cycle that just needs to end. People will argue with me over it and say, "Don't you want to better yourself?" Absolutely! But in my bettering of self, I choose to go about it in different ways. Let me show you how I better myself. 1- Choose SMART goals. Most people say something like, "I want to hit the gym this year!" or "I want to get in shape!" Maybe you said, "I'm going to curse less!" These are valuable items. I don't dislike them. However, you have set yourself up for failure. S.M.A.R.T. stands for Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Reasonable, Time dependent. So if you would change that resolution to a SMART goal, I'd be all about that. I want to start going to _____ Gym three times a week for the months of January and February. Already it's better. 2- I choose things that matter to my long term life. For instance, I read ten fiction pages and ten non-fiction pages a day at minimum. Seems like a silly goal for a grown woman. However, as an author, I know I need to read. There was a time in my life that the only reading I did was by the pool, or when I had an ounce of free time that wasn't in front of the TV. So I made it a goal. I made it a priority. And for me, the goal means something because it isn't just to make myself smarter. It's to make myself a better writer. It's to further my career. It's for the long term goal of published novels throughout the world. (Insert evil laugh for full effect.) 3- Know grace. As with all things, there are different views of a goal not reached. We will have set backs. That's just how it is. But we must be willing to give ourselves a smidge of grace. We can stop and say, "Dang, I did a terrible job, but I'm going to begin again slow and steady." Many people just flat out quit. Or they give themselves an extra long grace period, which basically turns into giving up with a nice excuse. Know the difference between a little grace- I only read 9 pages because the chapter ended and I didn't think reading the first half of the page was good for my retention- and grace to failure- Oh, I didn't have time to read because the kids were awake. Again. Like they are every day. 4- Start small, work to big. America loves its competition shows. When I was pregnant, I loved watching "The Biggest Loser." I loved watching people get healthy and take their lives back. But you had to see the whole picture. Those people gave up their work, family, friends, and entire life to go to the ranch. I watched people say they were going to do their version of it at home. But when they didn't reach the same number losses, they didn't understand. They ate better. They worked out. Why couldn't they drop seven pounds a week? Because they were still at home, going to work, taking care of kids. It wasn't an exclusive trip to a ranch with a full time trainer up their butts all day every day. And people didn't like the job I was doing because of that show. They refused to see that they needed the little changes over time that would lead to bigger changes. They wanted it all right then and there. I get it. We all want to be better. We can list people that we want to be like for various reasons. And they are all admirable. But there has to be a desire for change through all of our lives, not just because the calendar changed. I wish so dearly that we would get rid of this pressure building failure cycle once and for all. If you want to be better, be better, do better, learn and grow. But do it when you're ready, not because a shimmering ball dropped in Times Square.
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