I am afraid of spiders. I know, I probably shouldn't tell people that, but here it is. All on the line.
Growing up in Massachusetts, I remember an assignment where I had to learn about different spiders. I was fascinated by the Funnel Spider. Just as it sounds, the spider would create its web in the shape of a funnel. They were supposed to be poisonous and not good for us humans, but they were still cool. We had a basement, as northerners do, and it held our bikes. This was a bit of a pain in the butt. Most people just had a garage and the bikes were in there. Nope, if I wanted to ride, I needed to go down to the basement, open the bulkhead doors, and get my bike up the stairs (maybe six of them). One day, while the bulkhead doors were opened for me to get my bike out, I noticed the funnel shaped web. No spider was there so I peeked at the web. The intricacy was quite captivating. Day after day I would say hello to the web with a healthy distance just in case the owner was in it. Until one day the web was gone. I assume my father got rid of it either on purpose or from bringing work items in or out of the basement. Soon after, the spider returned. Well, the web was there. I never actually saw the spider, thankfully. Here in the south, I am unlucky enough to know that brown recluse and black widows are just outside my window. I have killed some very large spiders. And I have chased down those little jumpy black spiders with the white on them. I don't know what they are called besides annoying. Having my gym in the garage means that the biggest spiders I see are out there. Bodies are think as if they are coming for some cardio. Some with babies. I killed multiple spiders with babies that scurry in every direction once I have sprayed the mother with Lysol to stun her and slow her down. It seems that spiders really love it down here. Too bad I do not love spiders. I have two responses to spiders. One is "Ah! Kill it!" The other is "Ah! I'm need to kill you!" You see, we all know that in fight or flight, my body chooses fight. However, sometimes I am not prepared to kill a spider. For example if I'm bare footed, or there is no weapon close by. I don't mind being the one to lay it to rest as long as I have a weapon. If I am unprepared, I stand guard and watch it until someone can get me something to kill it. I will not let one slip by me. THAT is more frightening. Recently I was out in the garage working out. I lay down on the mats to do my core warm ups and I see something. It is either a large spider or a leaf. The last time I had this scenario, it was indeed a large spider. And I didn't get the chance to kill it, but it was disinfected, and probably pissed off. I lived in fear for a few days waiting for it to drop onto me and bite. This time I felt assured it was a leaf, as we had the garage door open for bikes the afternoon before. Still, I needed to know for sure before I could continue. I popped up, keeping my eyes on the suspect. Immediately I knew. It was a leaf. I stepped over. I kicked it. No worries. It's funny, but that seems to be how life is all the time. We don't have spiders on our radar and BAM! we have something. First reactions kick in. Adrenaline courses through our veins. We need to make a decision. For so many people the first reaction is an over-reaction. We give ourselves the worst case scenario. We throw out horrendous conclusions. And all from what? Our minds turn leaves into spiders. Our perspective changes from everything is safe to DANGER! GIANT LIFE TAKING SPIDER! in less than a second. Years ago Joyce Meyer wrote a book, "Battlefield of the Mind." I have not read it, but I love that title. Our minds are a constant battlefield whether we know it or not. If more people knew it, lives would be changed. We make conscious and subconscious decisions regularly that decide for us our perspective. Do we fear people's responses? Do we long for signs of affirmation? We take natural emotions and heighten them. Why? Well, because the devil knows that if we can get off kilter by one degree, he doesn't have a battlefield, he has a playground. As someone who has battled depression for a lifetime, I can say that I have heard the voices telling me how I was a terrible individual that people hate, and following it up with rational thought - "Did they tell you they thought you were terrible? When did they say they hate you? Where is this thought coming from?" Now, honestly, it is because I changed my view on my mind that rational thoughts began to come and defend. Each and every day. Each hour. Minute by minute. Perspectives change. They change with knowledge. They change with wisdom. They change with experience. We have the power to change our perspective if we're willing to get off the floor and investigate if we have a leaf or a spider.
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May 2023
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