One of my favorite movies growing up, don't judge me, was Happy Gilmore. In this comedy, Adam Sandler faces off against Christopher McDonald for the desired green jacket of the US Open. Happy Gilmore (played by Sandler) longs to a professional hockey player, but is overly aggressive and can't skate. Through a bet with some moving men, Happy drives a golf ball well over average length. This begins his route to the open. His goal is to raise money to buy his grandmother's house back, but begins to fight for the title with his hatred of Shooter McGavin (McDonald). Towards the end of the movie, after watching a great deal of cheating by Shooter and his goons, he lands a ball directly onto a large, giant of a man's foot. Out in the open, cheating cannot occur. Mr. Larson (Richard Kiel who played Jaws in the James Bond movie) makes sure that Shooter plays the ball where it lies. Because, after all, those are the rules of golf.
Despite my love of the movie for its comedy, I see a valuable lesson. Throughout the real version of golf we have mulligans. A mulligan is like a do-over. It's an extra stroke that you take after a bad shot that doesn't go on the score card. As humans, we all want mulligans. The problem is that life, just like golf, will only give you so many mulligans before they become extra strokes. People begin to say, "That's enough. You can't call out 'Mulligan' every time you suck." And let's face it, we don't want to keep taking mulligans. We want to do it right the first time. Lately I feel like I'm surrounded by golf pros that want to take mulligans all day long. With one shout it is, "To be the best you must do your best," and with the next it's, "Well that's alright let's take a mulligan." And I feel like screaming, "You can't have both!!!" Okay, that's a lot of exclamation points, but I need to make my point. I find people all over that want only the best and allow for the worst. Have you ever started an exercise program and skipped out on day two? We say things like, " I want my arms to not jiggle like jell-o." Then we find ourselves making Jell-o brand chocolate pudding because we "need" it. Which is it? Do we want to stop jiggling or stop eating what jiggles? We can't have both. I find this with parenting all too often. We hear from others how they want their kid to be the best - at anything. I hear parents wanting well behaved children, but complain that their child just won't listen without ever setting boundaries, expectations, and consequences and end up giving in to their children's whims. I hear parents wanting their children to be academically well off, yet help them every time something goes wrong. I hear parents say that their child should be a starter and never taken off the field, yet allow their child to miss practice or games for other fun things. I remember having the WORST coach in history. He was a jackass in every way possible. As I learned that he was going to be cruel to me, I decided to try harder. When that didn't work, I wanted to quit but knew I couldn't. I expected basketball to get me out of that town. Did my parents agree with the coach? NO! But they didn't go running down to the school every week to speak their distaste of his words and actions. They told me I just had to suck it up and fight. So I did. Sure, they would say things like, "He's an idiot." But they didn't tell me to not play for him. They taught me that life would suck and I needed to brace for all the junk that came my way. I played because I loved the game, not the people I was around. I could have taken a mulligan. I could have gone to a private school (yes, there was one recruiting me and offering to help with tuition costs). But running from that coach wasn't going to solve the problems that life would be throwing at me. There are times to take that mulligan. There is a time to say, "Wow, I screwed that up, let me start over." But starting your fitness program over for the 6th time in two months might be a little much. It isn't time for a second chance, it's time to stick with it, even when it is the hardest thing to do. I hate disciplining my children, but sometimes they need those consequences. My son has failed two quizzes and a test in the last month! And he's homeschooled! How does that happen? I don't know. But I know that letting him continually make poor grades is starting to motivate him to do more than just the bare minimum. He's starting to realize that studying off duty is necessary. I hate that this is what needs to happen, but it does. Nobody likes to force their kids to study. Nobody likes to watch them fail. Nobody likes to discipline their children and watch them miss out on fun things. But it is that strong spine and chin up attitude that will create the best for them. After they fail, or lose out, we can still be there for them. That is golf, isn't it? When you tee off, there are typically four players. Now, of course, people can go and play solo or in pairs, etc. It all depends on the course. No matter the number in your party, you tee off together each time. Then you walk to the nearest ball - the one furthest from the hole. They are together with the worst player of that tee. Then they continue to the closest ball. Over and over and over. Each player might take a mulligan that day. Perhaps nobody takes a mulligan or any combination between the two. Regardless they play together. The best player doesn't take a shot for the worst because they feel bad for them. And they don't allow them multiple mulligans on the hole. They play. Together. Moving forward. You might be in a place where you are taking a mulligan. That's alright. You might be giving them away. That's okay too. The key is to make your decision. Will you be playing with mulligans or not? If so, set the limit. Whether it is for you or someone you love - how many chances are there? Are you throwing the ball on the green when it really landed in the woods? That is the hardest decision to make because deep down we want to give second chances. And yet, as we grow older and wiser, we know that second chances leave people incapable of doing things themselves, growing, learning, and becoming their highest potential.
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