Words are power.
Perhaps you have heard it said, "It is better to keep one's mouth closed and be thought a fool than to open one's mouth and prove it. I remember reading that in high school and immediately feeling convicted. I have an older brother. Despite my efforts to educate myself properly, I know that his vocabulary has always, and will always, surpassed mine. This often meant that my brother would have a far superior response to anything said in mockery. I couldn't win the war, let alone a battle. Then one day I decided to stop responding because I knew I had nothing that could win. My silence only made things worse. My father would think that I was just being over emotional and couldn't take a joke. I was figuring out the art of word battles was not my territory and decided to let it slide. So instead of just losing a battle of wits to my brother, I lost the battle of "playing it cool" in sight of my father. There was never any winning. I realized quickly, however, that my words couldn't be used against me. There was no way to twist and contort my words into something that worked into my brother's mockery. Sure, I was thought of having thin skin and being too sensitive, but that was just rumor of a father, not fact. I began to feel empowered because I didn't have to respond though I was goaded. I could be perfectly happy, distraught and hurt, or angry as a hornet, but my silence didn't tell them which. I'm sure my facial expressions told, but I began to work on those as well. I was taught in church that life and death are in the power of the tongue. Proverbs 12:18 says, "The words of the reckless pierce like swords, but the tongue of the wise brings healing." I think I could just walk away from the computer and leave that. We have been on both sides of that as receivers and givers. We have been pierced. We have pierced. We have brought healing. We have been healed. When I began to add those two pieces of wisdom together, I found myself getting quieter and quieter. I did not want to pierce and I did not want to look a fool. I began to become a wallflower of sorts. Granted, fighting depression caused me to move more to the outsides than the average teen, but I also had more and more reason to be quiet. I became the observer. Over and over again I stayed quiet and spoke when necessary. I find myself doing that a lot these days. I try to break out of my comfort zone and speak to people I normally wouldn't. I can be pleasant. But overall, I stay quiet. You might be giving me a digital high five right now. Thank you. But please, let's wait. In my silence, I also withheld healing. For so long I figured I had nothing to say that people would want to hear. There were times I attempted to speak life and was spat at in vile acid. I shut up more and more. Then one day I was told that I was being selfish. I looked at the woman who said it like she was nuts. She said that I had plenty of life bringing words that I was not in fact bringing to people because I was choosing to not speak and was, therefore, selfish. We're humans. We don't get to be one way or the other. There are times for silence and times for speaking. There are times to bring life and times to stifle the sword. It's maturity that knows the difference. There are times when you should laugh and joke with your friends, and times where those same jokes will bring you stares of horror and disgust. There are times when being silent is the best for your loved ones and a time where silence will kill those same relationships. We can't choose to be one or the other. We simply have to know when to speak and when to be quiet. When will the words cut wounds or heal? When will your quiet bring strength or pain? Each situation will be different, but it is our job to wade through each time and do what is best. We cannot choose to not live and grow and stay in our selfish states.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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