Lately I've been thinking about some experiences I had in high school. Experiences, and people, that tried to break me. And one popped to my brain while I was working out and when I revisited this situation, I started to see something that was a bit odd to me.
Here's what happened: One morning I was sitting in English when the vice principal came to the room. He called me out and we started walking to his office. He told me he had called my mom and she was on her way. Once we were all sitting around his desk, he played some messages left on his answering machine the night before. A female voice claimed to be me. The girl was threatening suicide. She made multiple calls and left at least three messages saying that she was starting the tub, she was going to cut her wrists, and he needed to call to stop it. The answering machine happily told us the times of the phone calls. "Do you have anything you want to say about this?" "Last night, during the time of those phone calls I was in Abington playing a basketball game." "Oh. That's right." "No offense, but if I was planning to kill myself and was expecting someone to stop me, I wouldn't call the vice principal, and especially at night when he wouldn't be in his office. Seems a little odd." "Good point. Do you know who would do this?" "Yup. Megan Forde." "Why?" "How should I know? It's kind of a weird thing to do to try to get me in trouble. But I bet someone can identify the voice." I was released from the office. That was it. No more was ever spoken of it - outside of me telling friends and whatnot. Why did this come to mind? I'm actually pissed off by his reaction/response to the threat of suicide. He thought the best thing to do was to punish me for the phone calls. Did it not cross his mind that if it really were me, that maybe I did need help? His concern was not for my well being or if I was suicidal (fun fact, I was). His concern was that I was prank calling the school. There's a lot to unpack there, but when I made this realization, I got angry. One thing I have noticed is that people don't always know how to respond to bad situations. Especially people that care about the hurting person. There's this idea that adults are supposed to protect children (which I stand with) and when they don't/can't/missed something, there's a lot of anger and frustration. Unfortunately, in their struggle to figure it all out, they usually release that frustration on the child accidentally. It may come as disbelief, justification, or just frustration. But it leaves an impression that the child is not validated. There is where the trauma grows. What would have happened if the vice principal didn't take me out of class in anger? What if he checked on me immediately and asked me if I was okay? What if he brought the counselor with to talk to me? What if? It's too late now for me to change the narrative. But it's not too late for me to change the cycle.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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