Man, being a kid was so easy.
You were taught not to lie. You were also taught not to say something that would hurt someone's feelings (so you fib). You were taught that secrets don't make friends. You were taught to keep things private. Seriously? So simple. Do you ever look back and think, "How did I survive?" I used to. I've spent too many years answering that question. I barely survived. I scraped by doing what I had to do. Recently, I have snapped out of it. A large portion of the person I once was has changed. And it is all because of the juxtaposition that was placed on me as a kid. We were supposed to be honest, but only if it didn't hurt anyone else in the process. What that transpired into was that we stuffed the truth inside of us and destroyed ourselves so that others wouldn't be hurt. The problem is that eventually the truth will come out, and the secrets are no longer hidden. The damage has already been done. Reparations cannot be made. We are forced to find a way to heal and move on while those that are learning the truth are trying to make heads and tails of the situation. Basically, life becomes a mess. There are two reactions when truth is spoken. 1- Apologies are made. Relationships are restored. Healing becomes a natural process. 2- Denial of the truth. If it had happened as was spoken, they would have known. You're making it up for attention. Sometimes people will walk back and forth through the two responses because of their own struggle with the truth. They may start in (2) and come to the realization that you are not lying in future days and move to (1). They may move from (2) to (1) and back to (2). Usually if someone starts in (1) they stay in (1). But if they start in (2), they can move to (1) and back to (2) when their mind starts talking. Maybe they cannot believe the truth, that it is irrational. Maybe it's guilt that says they wouldn't allow for something like that. Maybe it's just habit. I'm not a psychologist, I don't know. But I do know that decisions are made, and life must be dealt with. Many will remember the 90's when the Catholic church was brought under scrutiny for what was happening with the choir boys behind closed doors. The truth was brought to light. Many Catholics said, "Never happened in my church!" whether that was true or not. They didn't want to believe that men of the cloth could perform such terrible acts. Others stepped up and said, "Yeah, it happened to me to." They were able to receive healing. But back and forth it went. It was messy. As a parent, I don't ever want that to happen in my home. No parent does. I hope I'm creating an environment that speaks in truth with love. People make mistakes. Bad things happen. But sweeping the truth under the rug only protects the wrong-doer. And for most people, issues were kept secret because it was what you did. It might have been said under the guise of respect, but it was to keep shame from the family. How harmful it has been for so many that kept secrets for the sake of shame. I say no more. I say speak. No need to be malicious. No need to go on the attack. Just speak the truth. Let out the secrets. Allow yourself to be healed.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
Categories |