Wowza! It has been a while since I've been able to post here. I do apologize. I've been getting my booty kicked by school the last seven weeks. Yet, here I am on spring break able to write again. Not just my blog, but a novel as well. It has been so wonderful to pick up work that I have missed out on. But as I sit in my spring break (which doesn't last like it used to) I find myself looking at college in a new light.
When I went to get my first bachelor's I was all about getting classes done and over with. I jumped through hoops, did as much work as needed, and did what I thought I needed to do to succeed. When break came, I was happy to relax and not think about school. Things are a bit different this time around. For one, I'm older than all of my professors. I also do more than what is needed to get by. But the biggest thing I have found, is that I know myself better. I understand that I don't test well. I know that I have issues with reading (especially wordy documents and long pages). I know my strength lies in writing, attendance, participation, and communication. I find myself using my strengths, but working in my weaknesses. I am creating tricks and helping myself succeed. This wasn't always the case. Growing up, I was told what to do and how to do it. There were no options. ADD? No, that's for bad kids that don't get beat enough for acting out. Reading deficits? Nope, you're in honors classes, you're a smart kid. Test anxiety? You must not have studied well. Any issue that I had could be explained away and not addressed. I'm an adult now. It's my life. These are my choices. There are issues. I have issues (we know, we know). What I do with the knowledge of my struggles is on my shoulders. I can pass the blame to nobody else. I need to set myself up for success, no matter what that looks like. I saved a meme to my phone the other day. It said, "Once you become a certain age, it is your responsibility to unlearn behaviors that hinder your growth as a person." I can't lie. When I first read this quote I wasn't thinking of myself. I was thinking of adults that had hurt me. Adults that make excuses. Adults that always find a way to justify their actions. But I thought about it again as I was evaluating my semester thus far. There are so many times that I am proud of myself for getting back into school and getting a degree in something completely different. I'm so proud of myself for working hard and balancing life. But there are still times that I am afraid that I'm doing the wrong assignment. I'm afraid that I'm not writing what the professor wants. I doubt my ability to take tests because I know who I have been. But I have reached a certain age that it is my responsibility to unlearn and relearn for my own growth. To be honest, that's what I'm most proud of. I will continue to grow and not be hindered by anyone else's version of my story. We are adults. It's time to fight for ourselves.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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