Did you know that we have a Stuart Complex in our society? Oh, I'm sorry. You might not know what the Stuart Complex is. When I was in high school I would watch Mad TV. The cast at that time was amazing. They were trying to battle SNL, but at last knew they were no match for the well crafted show. Though Mad TV had some amazing characters that I felt beat out SNL in those years. One character was Stuart. Oh how I loved him. Michael McDonald played an oversized child, Stuart, who would go against his mother's wishes. "I don't wanna," was often on his lips. Soon after his tantrum he would ask his most famous line, "Wanna see what I can do?" He would follow it up with a jerking of the leg in a kick and thrashing of his arms. It was funny.
Today's society is full of Stuarts lining up saying, "Wanna see what I can do?" I have multiple issues with this. First off, it typically is found around the same people saying, "I don't wanna!" We have a bunch of selfish people that don't want to do what others around them want them to do. Then they turn around and say "Look at me! Aren't I awesome?" You might be wondering what I mean by this. Well, I find that people have entered into a (excuse my crass language) pissing contest. The problem is that I'm not in it with them. I don't want to be. A few years ago I realized that my kids are frickin' awesome. And I found that if someone with a child the same age was around, my awesome kids looked like they were showing off. Or sometimes it was me just discussing a day and realizing that their counterparts weren't in the same bus. So do you know what I did? I stopped talking about the awesomeness of my kids. And you know what? It sucks. I want to brag on my kids all the time. They do so many things that I could brag on, but I don't- or at least I don't as much as I could. I stopped because I found that as I was stating facts, others would respond with what greatness their kids were doing. I realized that we had, in essence, started a competition with our children that they didn't even know they were a part of. I never meant for it to be that, but I saw what was happening. Now I see people beginning the competition with me. I respond as LITTLE as possible in these moments. I'm not comparing my dancer to your dancer. I'm not comparing my nerd to your nerd. I'm not comparing my taekwondo student to your student. When I hear that tone in a mother's voice about to make it a pissing contest, I nod and say how great that is and move on. There are far too many times that people begin this contest that I think, "If I open my mouth I will show you what a _______________________ is." So I nod and smile often. Lately though, I find people using their good deeds in this pissing contest. THAT irks me beyond belief. Honestly, are we trying to one up each other in our good deeds? Isn't the point of a good deed to build up whomever is the recipient of the good? Why are we turning it into "Wanna see what I can do?" moment? If someone walked past me and thought, "That woman does no good. I don't see any Facebook posts about what she had done for anyone this season." I would not care. Okay, that's not true. I would be grateful. I'm not here to impress you with my giving, just as I'm not here to impress you with my children. Stuart Complex is basically a keeping-up-with-the-joneses in different areas than wealth, houses, and cars. There is a small side of me that is happy people are trying to show the good they do and out-do one another in generosity, child rearing, and everything else that has come about lately. I love that people are wanting to do something better. I love that people are driven to get things moving. I love that people are pushing their children to excellence. I just don't like that pride that goes along with it. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for being proud of your kids. If they are frickin' awesome enjoy it. And there are times and places to give a little shout out for their awesomeness. But that doesn't mean that you start the conversation that compares them to others. Just like you shouldn't start the conversation with what good deeds you are doing for others. I will not pat you on the back. It just won't happen. Can we quit the pissing contests? Right now I am writing this post because I am so tired of it. If I'm honest, I'm not tired of the contest. I'm tired of holding my tongue and forfeiting to those entering the contest with me. I'm tired of not showing off how amazing my children are. I'm tired of keeping things to myself. It's my pride that I'm swallowing. I'm selfishly requesting and end to the pissing contest. At least I know I'm selfish and proud, and working on them both. What's funny is that if Stuart would have just done the thing asked of him at the beginning of the sketch, he wouldn't be trying to gain good attention by showing off his skills. I wonder if maybe there are just some things we should be doing that are asked of us that might keep us from having to show off with those around us. Before you start the pissing contest ask yourself if it is worth it.
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May 2023
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