Growing up we all have to learn acceptable ways to deal with our problems. The hardest part of that, is that we all have different problems, at different levels, that affect us in different ways. What's big to one person, might be a breeze to another.
In middle school I often looked at kids whining about trivial issues and think, "Oh please, get over it." High school continued this mindset that the problems my peers faced didn't seem as rough as what I was going through. And I looked down on those kids in my own way. One thing I didn't do, was share what I was going through. I kept that to myself. I swallowed my emotions and judged them for theirs. Eventually, with years and growth, I figured some things out. One thing I learned was the fact I shared previously- not everyone is affected by the same troubles in the same way. We all come from different backgrounds and family life. We live in a wide range of lifestyles. What might be a big deal to you might be a cake walk for me. What might be tragedy in my life, could be a walk in the park for you. We can't judge someone's response to their problems because it isn't our response. The second thing I needed to realize was that I had a lot of first world problems. And let's face it, don't we all? When we stop and look around us, it usually isn't the end of the world. Do we have a place to rest our head? Do we have nourishment for our bodies? There are people all over the world, in our country, and right up the road that don't have basic needs, and we want to complain. With those two new found empathic views, I began to stuff my feeling deeper down. I took on an outlook that other's feelings and well being is far more important than my own. Whatever issues I was facing, was not worthy of the effort needed to fix it. I needed to get over it. Why? Because things could be worse. Then a problem arose. I became a robot in my own emotional world. I stuffed and stuffed and stuffed my own feelings down to make sure that everyone else's feelings mattered more than mine. I'm not saying that being empathetic and sympathetic are bad things. I'm not saying we should not care about others' problems, needs, desires, and feelings. But at some point, I needed to validate my own. Every time I chose to ignore myself, I was making excuses for other people. Recently, I have begun a change. I have been saying, "I'm done with the B.S.!!" Really what it is, is that I'm validating my own feelings, setting boundaries, and letting people know when they have crossed those boundaries or hurt me directly. It isn't mean or retaliation. I can care about others and myself. I'm done stuffing the hurt. I'm facing it, addressing it, and dealing with it. I hope you will too.
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AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
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