Lately I have not been feeling well. Heart racing, light headed, weak, and tired. If you know me, you know that scares the poop out of me. I'm strong and healthy. I get up at 5:00 and work, work, work! So a monkey wrench in my health doesn't do me well.
I believe I know where this comes from. This change of physical well being. Stress. I work well with stress. Give me a deadline, I'll get it done. Give me a challenge, I'll rise to the occasion. Give me a situation where I have no control over something hugely important to me, I shrivel and die. I'm a doer. I'm a girl who gets things done. I struggle to watch others sit idly by while they can do something. I don't understand why people outsource things that they can do themselves. Save a buck. Learn something new. Be proactive. I love weddings in my family. There's the whole set up thing, the beautiful service, the reception, and clean up time. When it is time to clean up that facility, anyone with the name (or maiden name) Larson is up and moving. What's that? You traveled 12 hours to get to the wedding? You're leaving in the morning first thing? Yup, you're at the reception hall cleaning up table cloths, food, floors, whatever needs to be done. It's just how it is. It's also one of my favorite traits of my family. My life is like that. It's a continual wedding night clean up. If something needs to get done, I'm on it. Over a week ago today was my "estimated ship date" given to me from the publishers, which was given to them by the printers. This ship date meant that 528 books packed into 22 boxes was going to make its way to my house. Two days ago the majority of my books, 17 boxes, left the printers facility. The last week has been so stressful for me. There was nothing more I could do but sit and wait. Okay, so maybe I harassed my contact person at Mascot Books. Sorry, Pam. I was left feeling so helpless. But no matter how many emails and phone calls were sent, it didn't make the printers move any faster. However, it did make the publisher contact the printers on a more personal note. That is how she found out there were books ready to go out just hanging around until they finished yearbook orders and would then get back to the rest of mine. This whole process has made me do a great deal of reflection. I could probably write a book just on the emotional rollercoaster of the process, but I want to focus on this last week. This past week has made me sit and be patient when I didn't want to do so. In this time of doing, there was nothing for me to get done. I had to let go and believe God when he told me it would all work out. There has been great frustration with all of this, and I can't say that it is all done. Even after the date got pushed back, we settled in to wait. When my publisher pushed the printers to get things moving, we were told they did, but left in the dark. The books shipped out Monday. I didn't receive a tracking number until this morning. In my mind it goes - I go to the post office. I send a package. I have a tracking number immediately. I share the number with the recipient through text message. Done.- That isn't the situation that we are dealing with here. This is a large freight shipment. There is a chance an 18 wheeler will be coming through my neighborhood to drop boxes at my door (total weight of 450 pounds). Sorry neighbors. So it takes a little longer for the shipping department to get things to the personnel that deals with my publisher. It makes sense. I was too anxious to think about the boxes. I mean, I have wondered how our mail carrier would get them all to me. I guess I didn't think it through. I caused stress and frustration that I didn't need to. The lesson of the day. The greater the frustration, the greater the joy. We know it's true. When we work hardest for things, we take more pride in them. But sometimes when we fight through the stress of the unknown, and learn to wait for longer, it also brings more joy. The books aren't here. They're 5 hours away in Atlanta. I'm still not sure how they are going to arrive, or what day or time. But I know they're there. It's okay for me to not know. It's okay for me to sit and rest in the fact that God said it will work out. I know that the moment those boxes come to my door will be such a time of joy and celebration, that I might forget all that stress. At the end of each day, I might remember the stress of parenting, tutoring, training, waiting. At the end of my life, I will remember the joy those stresses brought me. And boy is there a lot of it. (also, if the books aren't leaving ATL soon, I'll make my in-laws grab a couple of boxes and we can meet up. )
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May 2023
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