Sunday I took a day of rest. I know. Shocking. Typically my Sunday requires me to do some sort of work, usually within the church walls. After working 6 days a week, I need a break. And this past Sunday, I took it. Now, I did do some little things around the house that I needed/wanted to do, but I did it in front of the TV watching movies that I have been longing to see. I felt refreshed.
During the next three months, I won't be working six days a week, just five. I should be more likely to work joyfully on Sunday mornings. The thing of it is, we are designed for rest. I believe we can learn a whole lot from the beginning of the Bible. In Genesis, God creates light, dark, atmosphere, land, and everything in and on the world. God works for six days. Then, on the seventh, he rested. What I find interesting is that God makes man on the sixth day and rests on the seventh. If this were a business model, some people might think it a little off. Why, if Adam was made before the animals, he could have been naming them while God was making something else, right? Not what happens. God makes man, then he rests. He emphasizes to us the importance of rest. God cares so much about rest, that he deals with Moses about it. In the ten commandments we are told to honor the Sabbath and keep it holy. We are to honor our day of rest, and keep it separate from the others. As a person with chronic fatigue, I think about rest a lot. I wake up and think about when I can sneak a nap in. I hope to get work done quickly so that I can rest in the afternoon before I play drive the kids around. Now, many would say to me, "You stay at home, working part time. What do you need to rest from?" Others look at me and say, "Do you ever stop?" Some people see homeschooling as a full time job, on top of my part time jobs. I think about that a lot. I think of the contrast and if things were different. What would my day look like if I gave up my part time jobs? Well, I would be a wife, mom, homeschool teacher, homemaker. And I would probably feel a bit unfulfilled. There would be something inside me saying, "Do something that will make an impact outside of your home!" Don't get me wrong, raising kids will eventually make an impact outside of my home. That is for sure. But there is a lot of waiting for that. What would my day look like if I sent the kids to school? I'd have more time to write. I could take on more clients. I could work outside of the home. Then I wouldn't see my kids. They would leave school, go to after school activities, do homework, and go to bed. My weekends would be focused on spending time with them or missing them more. I would probably feel like a bad mom for never seeing my kids. I wonder how much rest would be in either of those situations. There has to be a balance. Just as God rested on the seventh day, He worked for six days before. The question I'm always working towards is, "What is my purpose?" What is my purpose for homeschooling? What is my purpose for staying home? What is my purpose in writing? What is my purpose in training? I worry that if I stopped, even in just one area, I might lose my purpose. If I'm not homeschooling, I can work out later in the morning. That means I could sleep later. I would miss out on the calm and beauty of starlit early mornings as I run. If I give up staying home, I would miss out on much needed family time. If I stopped writing, I would feel a burden in my heart to speak what has been spoken to me. If I stopped training, well, I would sleep later again! I also wouldn't be helping people work towards goals and bettering themselves. Each of these items gives me a purpose. They give me a reason to wake up, to keep moving, to better myself. I'm the type of person that likes to look to the future and dream. I dream about this ginormous farm house on a few acres of land that I design myself with the purpose of housing my children and their future families for holidays and summer gatherings. I dream about an RV in the driveway that takes us across the country for weeks at a time. I dream about the office lined with books, many titles of my own where I write novels with such ferocity that I never want to break. But in all of those future dreams, I wonder about the truth of it all, where we'll be, and what will happen. Truth is, I don't believe I will train people in my 50's and 60's. So those hours I put in now to pay for dance and taekwondo and whatever else will drop away and leave me time. As much as I still dream to be an author on tour continually, I doubt that will be the case. Some major things need to change before that could happen. So then I start to wonder. Will I still be writing when I'm old? Whether I am or not, I wonder what I will do with the time between. What will be my motivation to wake up? What will be my purpose? We put a lot of pressure on our jobs to give us purpose. Whether it is an office job, teaching job, or raising kids, we use these things as our motivation to get up and get moving each day. So what will I do to make an impact as I age? I still have about 11.5 years of homeschooling. What will I do when they are both in college? Lord willing, I'll still be writing. I may even be training still. I do actually enjoy it. I have watched people decline in health when that feeling of purpose leaves them. I've watched people become unmotivated to do much of anything when they lose their jobs for one reason or another. And I seen it in other areas. My grandmother is not alone in the ones who slipped away as they reduced their ownership on property and their lives. Perhaps that is why I long for a big house when I'm older. Right now, I love my tiny house. We have too much stuff and not enough room. But we're always together. We eat together whether we plan it or not. We watch movies together, even if we are in other rooms. As a parent, I hear conversations and diffuse situations simply because, there's no place for them to hide! I love it. When the kids are grown, I can have an office. I can have a guest room. I can have tidier rooms! And yet, I won't have much to do here. Perhaps that's why I want a larger house as I age. I'll go the opposite way of most people. If we up-size, I will have to maintain the fruit trees we hope to plant. I'll need to clean more rooms. I'll have land to walk along. I find myself taking on more jobs into retirement, at least at my non-existing house. But my fear is to not have a purpose and to decline. I have questioned putting the kids in school for my sanity and rest. Tuesday morning, I was running and saw a shooting star. I thought to myself how I have seen more shooting stars in the last three years of getting up in the dark to run than the rest of my life combined. I knew God was nudging me, telling me that this was exactly where I needed to be. I needed to be getting up early and getting things done. If my kids were in school I would miss out on every shooting star He sent, because I would be in my house. I also felt a sense of peace for taking the rest I needed to. I need to work, as he did. And when I work, the purpose of rest can be fulfilled. Because despite what some people think, I do a good bit throughout the days. If I didn't, rest wouldn't be needed. The purpose of a rest day is to be different from the others. My work gives His rest more importance. I hope that we all find purpose in life. What is the purpose for what you are doing? Are you giving yourself a reason to rest? Are you taking your rest?
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