I'm exhausted. Truly. A few years ago I realized I understood the term "bone tired" in a more real way than I ever expected. I'm not sleepy. It's not a lack of hours or poor sleep, though I'm no stranger to either of those. This exhaustion is different. Pardon the language, but I think this helps to explain some of it. When I first read this I went straight back to high school. Thankfully, I was a smart kid. I had natural ability to retain knowledge and facts. But the truth is, I slept in class a lot. Too much. And reading the post above I thought, "That was me." I wasn't sleeping in class because I was bored. I didn't drift off because I stayed up too late. I was emotionally exhausted.
Thankfully, I can see it. I can see it in my life now. I don't want to do anything. I want to sit around and watch TV. I tell my children on a daily basis that I want a nap- the nap I never get. I'm too busy working. I'm always doing something for someone. And over and over again I have thought, "I just can't keep giving more of myself. I'm running on empty." But then I have a day of nothing. And guess what? I'm still tired. I'm worn out. Because I don't need physical rest, I need emotional rest. I need a chance to not feel depression or anxiety. I need to not be in charge of everyone, their schedules, well-being, and goals. Did you read that last sentence or skim over it? I find that there are many of us that take on these responsibilities. And for those of us with children, it is necessary. They can't drive themselves. They aren't necessarily paying attention to the clock. It's your job when you become a parent to take on some of that. The problem comes when you take on too much of it. This is where I find myself sometimes. I'm too worried about everyone else's well-being that I allow my battery to die out. But here's the thing. I know where my charger is at all times. (Now whether or not I use it is on me.) My charger, is God. Sometimes when I'm overwhelmed by everyone else's needs and wants, I float away. I hide in the bathroom or my closet. I sit down on my knees, bury my face in the floor, and breathe. I stop. I listen. I ignore the 10,000th "Mom" and listen for "Daughter." I rest at his feet. And when I find myself at the feet of Jesus, I find my battery charging. For many of us, we forget to charge. Or we charge the battery first thing in the morning and forget about it throughout the day. We let depression, anxiety, and empathy drain us. But if we would only recharge throughout the day, we would have so much more to give.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |
AuthorI have a lot to say about a lot of things. Archives
May 2023
Categories |