I’ve had friends that don’t understand depression. I’ve had friends that don’t understand anxiety. For the longest time, I denied my mental states. I covered it up with excuses and mindless dribble. I focused on taking the focus off of myself. And for a long time it has worked. Still does…if I want it to. Then one day I realized that I don’t need to worry about it. If someone is uncomfortable by my discussion, I will no longer continue to discuss the real parts of life. Otherwise, if someone asks and wants to know, game on!
So, here is some quick truths about depression and anxiety to help those that don’t understand it. (Oh, and for the record, those of us dealing with it don’t always understand it either. If we can categorize it as one of the issues in our brain, that’s considered a win! We don’t analyze the why and how. You shouldn’t either.)
This is an abbreviated list, but fairly general and well rounded. I could give specific examples with ease. You text someone and they don’t respond within a few hours – did I do something wrong? Let me reread what I wrote. Maybe I offended them. Wait, were they mad before? I got that email from the boss. Wants to meet first thing in the morning. Probably firing me. Let’s be honest, not sure why they hired me in the first place. What’s the right outfit to wear to the meeting of being let go? I made a mistake. Of course I made a mistake. I’m a failure. I’m always making mistakes. Gosh. Why am I even alive? Basically, things are escalated in a more rapid pace than the average human would progress through the problems. Additionally, we will play out every scenario possible. It’s a coping mechanism. When we go through the scenario and choose the absolute worst possible outcome, that helps us to be prepared for what’s to come. I recently read that people with anxiety like to rewatch shows and movies because we know what’s coming and don’t have that worry, fear, and dread like when it happens for the first time. This is kind of the same thing. We play out the worst case scenario. We’re prepared. Sometimes we play out good scenarios too. But when they don’t happen in a timeline we expect, we quickly shoot it out to the bad. It’s hard to figure out life when you live with depression and anxiety. You want to be normal. You want to fit in. But at the same time, you don’t want to go through the emotional rigors to be able to fit in. So it ends up being easier to stay in the house and do nothing. That usually also helps to perpetuate the emotional distress. It’s complicated. If you find yourself dealing with someone with anxiety and depression, don’t run away. Don’t try to fix them. If they want to talk, let them talk. Be ears that listen. Combat negative thoughts before the person states them. “Wow, you look nice.” “I saw your work. It was fantastic.” “I bet you’re a fun person to people watch with. You probably have everyone figured out.” Find what’s special about them and encourage them in their awesomeness and give them less time to think of the negative. Just be a friend. They’ll recognize someone actually trying to be kind, versus someone hoping to save them from themselves. And if you don’t understand, ask. Create open discussions. It allows people who are struggling to feel heard and validated. And that will go farther than you know.
1 Comment
Paul Brustowicz
10/22/2020 12:39:17 pm
Hi Jewel, Thanks for this revealing article about depression and anxiety. It came at an appropriate time for me to share it with my son who is going through it.
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